Faking It!

So MTV has been getting pretty darn good at this TV thing lately, it seems. Not a huge surprise, while they did invent reality tv, which I've never been especially fond of, they also had some of the best shows of my youth like Daria and Aeon Flux (and Undressed -- at least when I was eleven years old!)

So they came out with this show called Faking It, which I found out about completely randomly on youtube. I was curious, but skeptical. Luckily it showed up for free on Amazon Prime so I gave it a shot.

First episode, I still had some trepidation. I was like... There has to be some catch, something more to this. I mean if this is really a show about two straight girls pretending to be gay... then this is not something I'm going to be watching.

But, of course, in the last second of the first episode you find out one of the fakers, weeelll, she might be having a pretty easy time faking it.

And it pretty much gets better each episode. It feels a little like MTV's other hit romance romp, Awkward. Faking It isn't as funny or clever as Awkward, but I'd have to say that the characters on Faking It are a lot more sympathetic. Jenna on Awkward is just a straight up bad-ass. Everyone around her is crazy as fuck and that gets her into 'awkward' situations, but she herself isn't awkward. She's smart and collected and basically ready to take on all comers. So I mean, I root for her but I don't exactly relate to her -- I'm nowhere near as cool as she is.

Faking It gives us characters that are a little more flawed and a little more down to Earth. I mean, I'm not as cool as Amy either. But she's more conflicted. And even the evil popular girl -- confounded by her inability to lord over the school because of the school's inverse social structure that puts outcasts on top and barbies at the bottom -- even she ends up being pretty sympathetic.

I thoroughly enjoyed Awkward's first two or three seasons but the premise has run thin for me with all the constant back and forth between Guy A, Guy B, or Guy C. Faking It hopefully has a better plan for us. But even if it only lasts 18 episodes, it'll be a whirlwind knockout of a show. I'm curious where they intend to go with this set-up and I'm hoping it turns out to be a classic best-friend romance, we haven't seen that in a long time. At least not on TV.

I'm up to episode 6 of a disturbingly short 8 episode season, and #6 was the best so far. I mean, in most cases the whole threesome concept is thrown into a TV show as a lowest common denominator appeal to male fantasy. But gosh, the version in Faking It was fiendishly nerve-wracking in such a unique way. Imagine you're pretending to be in a relationship with your best friend who you are secretly in love with, and you're tasked with, um... pretending to have sex with this friend but you really want to have sex with her so you have to... pretend to pretend to have sex with her? That's an Oscar-worthy performance if you can pull that one off!

So, way to go MTV. I'm looking forward to finishing this season and I can't wait for next season of Faking It. I also can't wait for Finding Carter's season to end so I can watch that. But I still can't get into Teen Wolf. It's like a not-as-good version of The Vampire Diaries which I already gave up on in the third season. But I'm sure there's something great about it which I'm just not seeing.

New Series: Finding Carter

Escalation. We wear kevlar, they use armor-piercing rounds.

As you know if you read my blog, Switched at Birth roundly raised the bar on what kind of depth is required to compete in the world of good teen drama. The formerly ubiquitous 'rich teens behaving badly' motif has been replaced by sexy vampires and sexy werewolves. So to keep apt against such flashy aesthetics, grounded teen dramas had to fight back with the only recourse left to them: conceptual depth. Switched At Birth brought us all the dependable necessities of young love and parental showdowns, but with a complex family life and a unique cast of characters.

Earlier this week, MTV debuted a program which invites instant parallels to Switched at Birth. They both bring to life an extremely unique familial situation where a child is torn between more than one set of parents.

MTV's Finding Carter introduces us to a girl who was kidnapped as a young toddler, and then raised as her own by the kidnapper. At age 16, young Carter (real name: Linden) finds out everything she remembers about her entire life is a lie. In one fell swoop her entire world is taken from her, her "mother" is on the run from the law, and she's thrust against her will into a family of strangers. Now she struggles with her burgeoning feelings for her biological family, while refusing to let go of her love for the woman that raised her.

This is the kind of scenario that I, as a TV fan, dream of witnessing. A direct correlation where one great show inspires another. So far, Finding Carter seems to effortlessly walk that thin line where the influence is obvious, but the new material is genuine and legitimate without even the slightest hint of rehash.

Those first two episodes of Finding Carter were so fucking fantastic, almost 'next-level' shit. It fills my eternal soul with anguish that I can't watch the whole first season right now. This week to week thing, damn you terrestrial TV and your outdated, 1950s ways. Why couldn't this have been a Netflix series? If I want to watch this show properly, I'll have to wait until the season is done before I can watch the next episode!

While you can't possibly compare 2 great episodes to 40 great episodes fairly, I haven't rolled out the possibility that Finding Carter could be even better than Switched at Birth. And in any case, if this proliferation goes any further, we'll have undoubtedly entered the golden age of teen dramas. There have been so many amazing shows that have come before, but this new class of teen drama brings in a quantifiably more complex emotional dynamic that is highly difficult to usurp.

The Top 15 Greatest Adult Cartoons

TV is my flipping life, and there are a lot of amazing genres I wouldn't opt to live without. But the "Adult Cartoon" is quite possibly the best category. At their highest echelon, an adult cartoon combines all the laughs and feel-good rewatchability of the best sitcoms, with some of the highest quality story-telling from action and drama shows. Plus they categorically present a snarky, irreverent (and markedly hilarious) subtext that  pretty much defines my generation.

There's been a vast omnibus of excellent adult cartoons in the last few decades; so many great ones worthy of discussion that aren't included here, and incredible new entries coming out nearly every month! But I wanted to limit this list to the very best of the best, for now. I'm interested in someday compiling a much larger list. But for now, here is the ultimate creme de la creme of the adult cartoon genre!


1. The Simpsons 
Score: 20++
Influence: 5+ Quality: 5 Longevity: 5+ Uniqueness: 5

Its influence cannot be understated, The Simpsons invented the adult cartoon in the American conscioussness. Its outstanding quality has long since been ingrained in our collective culture. I don't really need to say much, because if you're not already familiar with this show then you're probably not familiar with any of these shows and you're probably not interested enough to bother reading this blog.


2. South Park 
Score: 20+
Influence: 5 Quality: 5+ Longevity: 5 Uniqueness: 5

Effortlessly defining the Adult Cartoon in both its extremes, South Park flits back and forth between gruesome gross-out humor and some of the most intelligent social commentary on TV. 16 seasons in, South Park is amazingly still among the most extreme shows in a genre which obsesses over one-upping itself and pushing boundaries. After all these years, no one has stepped up to the plate against their unprecedented and unsqueamish satire of public figures.


3. Family Guy 
Score: 18+
Influence: 5 Quality: 5+ Longevity: 5 Uniqueness: 3

FOX again heralded in a new wave of adult cartoon glory with this ceaselessly hilarious farce, borrowing The Simpsons' aesthetic without trepidation and empowering it with all the gall and irreverence of South Park. More recently, Family Guy has impressively been able to match both the unbarable grossness and the editorial commentary of South Park.


4. Space Ghost Coast to Coast 
Score: 17
Influence: 5 Quality: 3 Longevity: 4 Uniqueness: 5

This outstandingly influential first production from Williams Street, about a snarky contradictory super hero hosting a talk show, debuted in the early 90s and invented the Adult Swim gameplan for the next 18 years and counting, even before Adult Swim existed. Its antisocial and ocassionally nonsequitor comedy was handled with craft and Cartoon Network is still trying to equal it today.


5. Beavis and Butt-Head 
Score: 16
Influence: 4 Quality: 3 Longevity: 4 Uniqueness: 5

This trailblazing Gen-X classic, featuring the misadventures of two brain dead teens with a nack for music video critique, pre-empted the antisocial humor & live action spoofing in Space Ghost and the crudeness fixation of South Park. Sure Futurama and Family Guy both came back from the dead, but B&B's reputation is so strong it managed to ressurect itself 14 years later, and began airing new episodes last year!


6. Futurama 
Score: 16
Influence: 2 Quality: 5 Longevity: 5 Uniqueness: 4

Matt Groening's second foray into the genre likewise ranks as one of the funniest and best-crafted cartoons in the ilk. All the classic, plot-based sitcommery of The Simpsons is retained, plus a stronger dose of flippant, modern mayhem and a setup that remains unique in the sea of shows based around Simpsons-esque family units.


7. The Boondocks 
Score: 15
Influence: 2 Quality: 5 Longevity: 3 Uniqueness: 5

The Boondocks is a marvel of craftsmanship. It expertly mirrors the cynical, world-weary humor of Daria while coming closer than any to matching the harsh Juvenalian satire of South Park. Equipped with gorgeous, anime-inspired art (possibly the best-animated of all adult cartoons), it tackles hip hop culture in ways other programs never could.


8. Aqua Teen Hunger Force 
Score: 14
Influence: 3 Quality: 3 Longevity: 5 Uniqueness: 3

Aqua Teen was devised to take Space Ghost the next step further, with stronger misanthropy, more preposterous nonsequitors, and more mania per minute. And it succeeded, it's still by far one of the funniest, most nonsensical programs Adult Swim has ever aired.


9. Daria 
Score: 14
Influence: 3 Quality: 4 Longevity: 3 Uniqueness: 4

The antithesis of Beavis and Butt-Head, Daria concerns the fairly realistic daily life of a precocious bookworm who circumvents the evils of high school and misguided adults, never failing to inject her seething disillusionment into every facet of life. Daria is of uncommon style and displays an admirable bit of wit.


10. King of the Hill 
Score: 14
Influence: 2 Quality: 4 Longevity: 5 Uniqueness: 3

To follow-up Beavis and Butt-head, Mike Judge gave us a tempered and smart look at a more 'down home' living mentality with traditional-or-die farther Hank, his goofy and unmasculine son, and a townful of zany Texan cohorts. It's remarkably subtle for its genre, and consistently manages to be both fun and funny.

11. The Venture Brothers 
Score: 13
Influence: 2 Quality: 4 Longevity: 3 Uniqueness: 4

This exceedingly creative spoof on Super Hero and action/adventure mythos, about a former boy-adventurer and his Butterfly-themed arch nemisis, proved that Williams Street isn't the only collective capable of skewering classic cartoons. Impressively, the show has weaved various references and plotlines into a rich mythology of its own. Hopefully there will be more programs like it.

12. Home Movies 
Score: 13
Influence: 4 Quality: 3 Longevity: 3 Uniqueness: 3

Awkward, quirky humor at its finest, neurotic egos bounce off of each other as three kids try to shoot their own moves in their back yards (among other places). A similar disposition to the venerable Dr. Katz: Professional Therapist, but with stronger characters and funnier jokes.

13. Metalocalypse 
Score: 12
Influence: 3 Quality: 3 Longevity: 3 Uniqueness: 3

Shades of the bumbling antics of Beavis and Butt-head combine with the tropes of metalhead culture, accented with dazzling high-quality animation (a first for Williams Street), in this show about the exploits of an ultra-successful death metal band that has more or less taken over the world despite being incopetent to so much as keep themselves from killing themselves.

14. Archer 
Score: 12
Influence: 3 Quality: 4 Longevity: 2 Uniqueness: 3

The creator of Sealab 2021 and Frisky Dingo brings a more coherent adherence to plot, and all the original vitriolic impiety of its predecessors, to the FX network's excellent Arrested Development-esque 007 spoof. Could this be the start of a much wider reach for the Adult Swim aesthetic?

15. Sealab 2021 
Score: 11
Influence: 2 Quality: 3 Longevity: 3 Uniqueness: 3

Featuring the zany antics of an often ill-fated underwater science lab (despite no science being accomplished therein), Sealab 2021 uses the Space Ghost setup of refashioning an obscure cartoon into a brutally absurd cacophony of destruction and pulls it off nearly as well as Space Ghost itself. It ranks as one of Adult Swim's most classic pieces.

Notes:

- This is not my personal favorites list, that would be a fairly different list. The shows here were, quite transparently, ranked based on a few categories: influence within the genre (particularly when it concerns trend-setting and style-defining works, and how many new shows they inspired), overall quality (the cleverness of the writing and the funniness of the jokes), longevity (how long the show was able to last and how much broadcast replay it sustains), and uniqueness (how stark and original the show was when it premiered, and how many similar counterparts it has today). It goes without saying that any artistic hierarchy is wrought with subjectivity.

- Entries on the list were limited to the *genre* known as 'Adult Cartoons,' so other adult-oriented animated programs (including but not limited to anime) are inelligible, as were shows not explicitly aimed at a teen/adult audience (e.g. The Ren & Stimpy Show).

- Rankings might seem pretty low for a lot of shows, but I stuck to a simple out-of-five system for convenience's sake. Tabulating more complex rankings for each show would have been difficult, just keep in mind I'm ranking them against the highest possible standards. All 15 programs here are truly top-notch, incredible, and deserving of the most earnest accolades.

The Case For Cam & Jori

I never even knew what shipping was before I got into the iCarly fandom. But Carly and Sam balanced each other's personalities out so perfectly, I had to ship them, once I found out I was supposed to choose sides. Then in Victorious came Jori, the spitfire couple with the classic antagonist chemistry and overflowing romantic tension. It's such a great pair that they've become the #1 most popular ship in Victorious. Plus, since I can be a bit of a misandrist and a heterophobe at times, I tend to ship almost exclusively gay and lesbian couples...

But of couse, we all know those will never happen on a kid's network like Nickelodeon. That's what we all say. And we're probably dead right. But to everyone who says that it specifically can't happen on Nickelodeon, I would contest that. It's a long shot, it's unlikely, it'll probably never happen and nobody in their right mind denies that. But it's not strictly unthinkable, and it's not beyond the realm of possibility, no matter how slim the astronomically small chance is.

The Dynamics of Television Evolution

After my recent trip down memory lane with Ren & Stimpy, I'm particularly well aware of the way TV boundaries evolve over time. As a matter of fact, TV boundaries have been habitually pushed back for a while now. The examples are numerous. Today words like "bitch" and "shit" are a-okay to say on TV, in the past this was not so, no matter what a show's demographic was. In the 90s the Xena girl/girl almost-kiss was considered groundbreaking, but today we've seen more than that even on Nickelodeon.

And the best example is with adult cartoons: in the 90s Butt-head became forbidden from saying the word "fire" after a kid burned his house down. But today Peter on Family Guy can blow up children's hospitals, kill people and things, an endless parade of gruesome things. Though, to be fair, the genre of adult cartoons has taken a specific amount of concentration on and delight in pushing boundaries, so they've evolved at an excellerated rate. The point is that the boundaries are being pushed and thereby lessened.

When it comes to gay civil rights, there may never come a day when everyone is accepting of homosexuality. But just like with interracial marriage, there will come a day when the open express of dissent will be socially and culturally shunned. Today there are interracial couples on both Nick and Disney. Some day there will be gay couples on Nick and Disney. There is no question of whether or not it will happen, the only question is when.

When we look at how much hatred and ignorance is still alive and well in our country, it's clear that we probably won't see a gay couple on Nickelodeon for quite some time. Braindead religious housemoms would be in an uproar over it, and it might hurt Nickelodeon's ratings. Nobody here is saying that Jori is going to happen on Victorious.

All I'm saying, is that it's not enitrely inconcievable. Because the fact is, this is a boundary that will eventually be struck down. Someday, somewhere down the line, a kids' TV writer will decide to put gay characters in their show, and network executives will decide to air it. It's easy to think that it can't happen just because it's not okay for it to be shown on a kid's network yet, but the way that it will eventually become okay to show is by it being shown. Could Dan Schneider and Nickelodeon be the ones to do it? Yes, potentially, if they make that choice.

Reasons why Nick could decide to break this boundary:

- A Nick companion network, called The N or Teen Nick, created and showed for three seasons an original drama called South of Nowhere. Groundbreaking not merely for a Nick affiliate but for TV in general, it was the first program to feature gay teens as the show's primary main characters. While Teen Nick shows a vast plethora of things that would not be okay on Nick, the existence of South of Nowhere proves two important points: (1) That the corporate powers behind Nick are not categorically apposed to showing this type of content, and (2) that those same forces are, in fact, interested in pushing those boundaries (as SoN did not just for Nick, but for TV in general).

- While the threat of boycott is troubling, controversy also makes for unending publicity and ratings. Breaking this boundary would unquestionably bring accolades to Nickelodeon from the LGBT community. I could envision Dan Schneider seeking a place in history with this move. Even in the most cold-hearted executive terms, homosexuality is becoming more "popular;" more palattable and more profitable in the entertainment sector, as well as in public opinion at large.

Examples in the past of Nickelodeon (the main network, not Teen Nick) taking controversial steps in the right direction:

- In the Drake & Josh episode 4-1 "Josh Runs Into Oprah," Drake and Josh kiss. It's for comedic rather than romantic reasons, but these are not only two men but also brothers!

- In the iCarly episode 3-18 "iPsycho" the recurring villian Nora grabs a girl at her party and kisses her on the mouth. This was also shown for comedic reasons, but Nora's motivation for the kiss is unexplained, it seems to be some level of romantic interest would be the logical conclusion.

- Dan Schneider's shows make frequent and often unambiguous allusions to same-sex relationships. They habitually feature cross-dressing, as well as often pair same-sex characters up in fantasy scenarios like plays and skits.

Again, I'm not saying Jori will happen. It almost definitely won't. But is it possible? Yes. And the longer Victorious continues, the stronger (however slightly) the chance gets, as society continues towards making homophobia a culture-wide taboo.

On our end, we've been trying to coax Dan Schneider to acknowledge the large gay fan constituency for his shows. So far he has unfortunately declined to comment, despite commenting on damn near every other trend iCarly or Victorious scores. But getting Jori to trend worldwide is still a victory for us Jori shippers. Here's the trend we got last night, we even got it pretty high.

The Seinfeld Reunion

Came across this the other day. I had never seen it before. A couple years ago I heard about Curb Your Enthusiasm planning a season revolving around trying to put together a Seinfeld reunion, but I figured it would never get off the ground (in the show). Turns out it did!

If you're not familiar, Larry David created Seinfeld with Jerry Seinfeld. The character of George, in fact, was based on Larry. And for the last many years, Larry David has been making and starring (as himself) in his own show, Curb Your Enthusiasm, with pretty much the kind of humor you'd expect from both Seinfeld's co-creator and the origin of George. Season 7 of Curb revolves around trying to put together a Seinfeld reunion, and in the finale you actually get to see some scenes from the in-universe Seinfeld reunion. In typical Seinefldian meta fashion, even though it's a fictional reunion show that only fully exists in Curb Your Enthusiasm's universe, it is of course also entirely real....




I can't tell you how overjoyed I am to see this. It's fantastic! Seinfeld is one of the greatest TV shows of all-time, pretty much indisputably the top network sitcom ever devised. And to see these guys together again, doing Seinfeld again, is pure magic.

As a bonus, here's a fantastic scene where Larry David has a cameo in Hannah Montana!

Wizards of Waverly Place, we hardly knew ye.

Wizards of Waverly Place. October 12, 2007 – January 6, 2012 

Rest In Peace

Yesterday, the series finale of Wizards of Waverly Place aired. This is no time to be sad, it's the time to celebrate how good of a show it was. For any show to last this long is impressive, but especially in the kid & teen market where turnover can be markedly extreme. Yet I can't help but to feel a bit of regret, since I was really just beginning to get into this show. When I started watching Disney Channel again, WOWP was this modern legend, with a hefty and respected reputation -- and ironically, that turned me off from it, since I'm more interested in exploring exciting new things. With over a hundred episodes and a TV movie, I didn't know where to start, but the more I saw of it, the better and better it got. With fun plotlines and a handful of excellent recurring characters, it's not the first super-power themed sitcom but it may well be the best of its ilk. Disney doesn't release many DVDs of their shows, so if I want to continue exploring Wizards I'll have to do so on the computer. But it was a great show and I'm happy I was around to see it the curtain call.

When I returned to Disney Channel last year, they were just about finished showing Hannah Montana reruns. Which means we should have about 6 months left to enjoy Wizards before it's gone forever! Gone into our memories, that is. And... the internet. Bye, Wizards! <3

Goodbye, Wizards of Waverly Place! We will miss you.

The Good Wife

While I absolutely hate how my taste is ever-changing, never knowing what I'll be interested in next month, having to repeatedly reinvent myself as my entertainment interests morph, having to perpetually succumb to an errant muse... At least it can be pretty funny sometimes, the tangential paths my interests take.

I believe it was exactly a year ago today when I watched my first episode of The Good Wife, strictly because the episode featured Miranda Cosgrove. At the time I wasn't interested in drama, so it was a fleeting experience. But now I've been powering through the series. I'm a handful of episodes into Season 2, and only a handful away from Miranda's episode!

The Good Wife is fast becoming one of my all-time favorite dramas. I haven't watched a drama in such rapid succession since Dawson's Creek. It presents the perfect balance of episodic punch and ongoing story to make it effortlessly enthralling. And its moral nuance makes shows I used to think were cool like Law & Order: Special Victims Unit look like a puddle of putrid milk, with their one-dimensional storylines and characters which are invariably caricatures of the most obvious stereotypes: the concerned father, the repressed mother, the sleazy criminal, an intern could write superior characters. And character development? There is none. o.e But back to a show that's actually good...

(Spoilers: Season Two ahead)

Season one was fantastic and I'm loving season two even more so far. Season two is making palatable things that repulsed me in season one, which is pretty darn impressive.

I absolutely couldn't stand the Will/Alicia romantic pairing in season one. And I still feel like for her to cheat would negate so much of her character, so much of what she did in season one (not that it wouldn't necessarily fit very much in line with where she's been going lately). At first Will just seeemed like an obsessive creep, a nuisance. But in season two Will seems to be getting a better wrap, he's being shown with other women and you can see what a catch he really has been all along. When the Childs deposition leaks and Will acts as Alicia's attorney, that scene was just awesome. Will was acting so powerful and protective. I still don't think Alicia should cheat but I can now get onboard for a hypothetical post-divorce relationship for them.

The Kerry/Alicia stand-off has been well-played thus far. Kerry was always sort of going back and forth on my "is he good or is he bad?" meter, but at this point I think it's safe to say that he's genuinely a good person. I can't think of anything he's done that is even in the legal grey areas that our 'heroes' frequently stalk. I'm really hoping he gets back to Lockhart/Gardner someday. But I digress. Alicia & Lockhart/Gardner of course win most of their cases but I don't think Kerry cares any less about genuine justice, he appears to care more. His assertions to Alicia that she is a bad person could be his attempt to psych her out and hurt her, but it's just as likely that he's being sincere. After all, what he's saying about Alicia is pretty much true.

Speaking of, Alicia's descent into the grey areas of the law has been very intriguing, and I feel like the intention behind it is to show you that this is exactly how it happened to her husband Peter. Peter Florrick starts out as this apparently corrupt guy, this borderline villianous figure and then through the series his profile has increased bit by bit. Then you see Alicia take the same path. She starts out as the steadfast moral compass, but then she, in her own words "grows up," she has to deal with real world circumstances. First it's just "sometimes helping people means being less than forthright, skirting the law a bit." Then it's "sometimes a lawyer has to help set free a murderer or a drug lord who isn't secretly innocent, and that's just part of the job. The justice system depends on mutual representation, right? My kids have to eat, right?"

Through Alicia you see how Peter must have fallen into the darker roads while always maintaining a genuine desire to do right. Still, I'm not sure WHY they're having us empathize with Peter, when it seems like Alicia is destined to leave him for Will. Are they just trying to make it hard on us? Make us understand the difficult position Alicia is in? Will Peter drop off the series if Alicia leaves him, or will he maintain a role like Kerry?

The ONE thing I don't like about this incredible season this far is... Kalinda's little feud with the in house supersleuth incurred from the merger with new firm partner Derrick Bond. It seems childish and unnecessary, very uncharacteristic for such a zenlike and intelligent character as Kalinda. I know from last season's director commentaries that in season 2 they're trying to dispel Kalinda's appearence of infalibility and expand on her character more, which is fantastic. But I don't understand her angle here, she's going to go berserk at this guy and yet she doesn't stand to lose anything? It's not like Lockhart, Gardner & Bond are going to fire one of their supersleuths, there's no need for the two to compete. Unless she's in love with Alicia and she feels that the new guy is relieving her of the role she has in Alicia's life. But I very highly doubt that. Love seems like the only angle that would cause such erratic and seemingly unnecessary action. If she's in love with the new guy then that's a major disapointment, I'm under the impression she's a lesbian. But I guess time will tell!

Now I'm off to watch some more...

Halloween Movie Marathons

As you *might* have realized, I harbor a deep, pervasive love of television. And over the years, this has translated into a genuine interest in the art of television programming. So, seeing as how it's Halloween-time and all, I figured I would compose the ultimate blocks for all my favorite scary movies, c/o all-night Halloween-weekend horror marathons.

Each night begins with a brutal primer at 6pm (the witching dinner hour), followed by a solid block of theme from 8 until 4am featuring four of my all-time favorite films... one traditional classic, usually one from After Dark's now defunct but gorgeous Horror Fest series, then two from my favorite genre, found footage. Then I took the liberty of affixing each theme with an atmospherically similar episode of the found footage show Lost Tapes, and topped it all off with a non-theme horror flick of a much more light-hearted nature to carry us into the early morning. Except for Halloween, which I decided to make extra-scary...


Friday


6pm: The Company of Wolves
8: Fire in the Sky
10: Communion
12: Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County
2: The Wicksboro Incident
4: Lost Tapes: Alien
4.30: Ginger Snaps




Saturday


6pm: The Gate
8: 28 Days Later
10: Perkins' 14
12: [Rec]
2: [Rec] 2
4: Lost Tapes: Bear Lake Monster
4.30: Pinata: Survival Island




Devil's Night


6pm: Jacob's Ladder
8: Carnosaur
10: Penny Dreadful
12: The Blair Witch Project
2: Eyes in the Dark
4: Lost Tapes: Jersey Devil
4.30: The Craft




Halloween


6pm: Trick 'r Treat
8: From Within
10: Paranormal Activity 2
12: Paranormal Activity
2: Lake Mungo
4: Lost Tapes: Vampire
4.30: Ghostwatch

Enjoy!! Now if only I had my own TV station...

New Horizons in Children's Television

I'm a proud Nickelodeon fan. Over the years, Nick and The Disney Channel have both had their share of decent shows. But over the last half-decade or so, what Nick brought to the table has been so transcendental that my friends and I have come to sort of shun Disney. iCarly, Victorious, and Avatar The Last Airbender are three of the finest programs ever to grace television, and Disney has never authored even one series that can compete.

But Nick has been running on empty for some time now. Airbender is long gone, and for an entire year iCarly has been subjected to mammoth two or three month gaps separating new episodes. Now even Victorious's progression has slowed to a crawl. I've been so desperate for new light-hearted television that I began checking out what Disney has to offer. And to my surprise, it's really good.

The convenient thing about Disney Channel is, they play their decent material pretty much all the time. 2am, 11am, 10pm, you're liable to catch Disney's best show. This is a huge breath of fresh air compared to Nickelodeon, whose best material maddeningly runs strictly in a 5 or so hour block during the afternoon & evening. Nickelodeon's time is segmented by a lengthy "Nick Jr." toddler block in the morning and a lengthy "Nick @ Nite" syndicated sitcom block at night. And during the brief period where Nick runs their A-material, you're just as liable to run into Big Time Rush or Supah Ninjas as you are to stumble upon iCarly or Victorious.

Disney's shows aren't as well-written or legitimate as Nick's greatest work, but they're funny and genuinely better than everything on Nick's unfortunately prominent list of b-material. Shake It Up, ANT Farm, Good Luck Charlie, Wizards of Waverly Place, My Baby Sitter's a Vampire, Hannah Montana reruns.... even Phineas & Ferb is alright, almost everything Disney has is pretty decent, and they air new episodes in a timely manner. By far my early favorite is the hip dance-themed show Shake It Up. Sort of ironic because it's the show Kelley once tricked me into thinking she loved. I think she might secretly dig it. ;)

Dream TV Programming

I have a deep abiding love for television. One of my ultimate dreams has long been to sequence my own television channel. Not anything broadcast level, just something closed-circuit, moderated by a computer system. Understandably, I've taken the liberty of putting together a handful of flawless programming blocks for the weekdays (and one for the weekend).

The show schedule is sequenced with slashes representing the weekly airings ala Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday/Friday. Shows that are shown 5 days a week are simply listed once, while shows listed in pairs are alternated between (therefore one program has 3 episodes in a week and one has 2, switching weekly).

"Toonami"

The perfect morning action block, pairing the great string of 90s marvel cartoons with the quintessential anime, and daily airings of the top 3 action shows of all-time.

- Berserk/Zero No Tsukaima/Kare Kano/Neon Genesis Evangelion/Toradora!
 - Gargoyles/X-Men TAS/Spider Man TAS/Thundercats (Reboot)/Iron Man (second season)
- Gundam Wing
- Avatar: The Last Airbender
- Dragon Ball Z (Ocean dub first 2 seasons, subtitled 3rd)


"Adult Swim"

The ultimate mix of late-night adult-oriented animated comedies, pairing the best of the original Adult Swim with the best of Fox, Comedy Central and MTV.

- The Simpsons/Futurama/South Park/Futurama/American Dad
- South Park/Family Guy/Futurama/The Simpsons/King of the Hill
- The Boondocks
- Daria
- 12 oz Mouse/Frisky Dingo/12 oz Mouse/Home Movies/Frisky Dingo
- Beavis & Butthead/Metalocalypse/Dr. Katz/Home Movies/Beavis & Butthead

* The final half hour consists of 15-minute runtime shows, except for Home Movies, which doesn't have TWO episodes in the lineup, but rather one 30 minute episode.


"The Break Room"

The ideal afternoon compilation of great situation comedies including the best teen sitcoms from past & present, Nick & Disney.

- iCarly
- Victorious
- Seinfeld
- Reba
- Roseanne/What I Like About You/Scrubs/Everybody Hates Chris/Life With Derek
- Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide/Clarissa Explains It All/Unfabulous/Phil of the Future/South of Nowhere
- iCarly


"Daily Dramas"

A simple evening showcase for my favorite dramas.

- Being Human/Breaking Bad
- Dawson's Creek/Glee
- The Sopranos/House


"Nightmare Special"

A Saturday "deep night" 5 hour block of the coolest and creepiest paranormal documentary-styled programs from a wide variety of sources, playing into the weeist hours of the early day.

- Sightings
- Real Scary Stories
- Beyond Bizarre
- Beyond Belief
- Lost Tapes
- In Search Of...
- Twilight Zone

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It really wouldn't be all that difficult to accomplish. It would require a large database with all of the material to be shown, and beyond that, pretty simple computer programming could regulate the showing. I enjoy the tv-watching experience, so my channel would absolutely include the typical breaks from programs. But our setup would be loose, similar to The Disney Channel in that commercial breaks would be occupied not only by commercials but also by shorts and music videos. In addition to a large collection of all my favorite commercials (everything from funny ads like The Slowskys to the iconic Jurassic Park trailer that hypnotized my youth), plus commercials for all the programs shown on the station, breaks would be occupied by eclectic music videos and live clips from all of my favorite artists, as well as favorite youtube shorts such as George Washington and shipping classics like Dismantle Repair.

The Good Wife (And What Your TV Says About You Behind Your Back)

Warning: If anyone out there is a diehard follower of The Good Wife, and you haven't watched the 7th episode of season 2 yet, the following blog entry contains very minor spoilers.

The Good Wife

A couple months ago or thereabout, Miranda Cosgrove appeared in an episode of the CBS drama series The Good Wife. I never bothered to watch it because, I guess, I feared it would be more of a cameo appearance or a token role. As it turns out, she plays a significant role.

I ended up checking out the episode after discovering that I had abysmally failed to watch Christmas In Washington, an annual concert event which this year featured Miranda Cosgrove performing "Last Christmas," a beautiful song having previously been covered immaculately by Taylor Swift.

Hating myself, I scoured Youtube for video, but there was none available. Still jonesing for a MiranCoz fix that my personality (what you sometimes call a "soul") was now expecting to receive, I decided to check out the aforementioned Good Wife episode. I had never watched The Good Wife before, but I'm familiar with its ilk. It's a by the numbers court room/political drama, and while as of late my taste has been for its polar opposite, I've been fond of this genre at times. So I was really excited to watch this episode.

I don't believe there exists any genre of television more archetypally adult than the courtroom drama... except for the courtroom drama which (inexplicably?) carries a parallel story about a politician's troubled bid for election amidst a corrupt system AND a parallel story about high-ranking suits embroiled in high-stakes office politics, none of which seem to intersect with each other or influence each other (I'm sure it would make perfect sense if I was familiar with this show).

Perpetually straight-faced, as melancholic as film noir, driven not by action but by words, and rife with grim moral dilemmas that are meant to define the psychological squalor of the modern age, The Good Wife (and the rest of its ilk) are everything that consequential adults are supposed to appreciate. At least in my perspective. Some might opt for the more critically acclaimed fare of The Sopranos and Breaking Bad, two of my favorite shows, but they include copious amounts of crime kitsch, which appeals to rebellious youths. Court room dramas are about truth, justice, the American way, and various moral dilemmas therein. In any case, it's a marked contrast from what Miranda Cosgrove had been involved in thusfar.

Miranda Cosgrove plays what is essentially a fictionalized amalgam of Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan. She's a Disney recording star named Sloan who gets an underaged DUI which ends up turning into an attempted murder case. Sloan is notorious for a past lap dance scandal straight out of Miley's reality, and she is depicted undermining the honor of the court, reminiscent of Lohan's recent indiscretions. I found this re-appropriation of realities hard to swallow at first... I mean... talk about weird. Let's hire Miranda Cosgrove to portray... of all people... Disney's ill-mannered ragamuffins? I like Cyrus AND Lohan, but talk about a heady concept. Takes it a smidgen further than Freaky Friday!

In any case, once MiranCoz took control of the role, my identity crisis on her behalf subsided. I was impressed with her performance, though seeing as how I was expecting it to be good, I can't say I was blown away or anything. She definitely did a spot-on job filling the role of 'grim stoic entity' that everyone in a courtroom drama necessarily has to acquire, quite a far cry from the flighty flirty flamboyance of Carly Shay or the snarky cynical self-assurance of Megan Parker and Summer Hathaway.

I wouldn't necessarily say she removed herself from herself as much as Victoria Justice sometimes seems to, but she certainly far surpasses Katie Holmes' lone ability to act exactly like Joey Potter in every role she has ever performed (which, granted, isn't a bad character to play). What I can say is that I would definitely watch this show regularly if Miranda Cosgrove was a regular, and more improtantly I would be very, very interested in viewing other programs where Miranda performed similar roles.

She's proven her acting chops and I absolute can. not. wait. to see her appear on all kinds of other programs. And frankly, I enjoyed the juxtaposition provided by this most adult of genres. I'd like to see her do more of the same style, perhaps appear on The West Wing or something. Does The West Wing still make new episodes?

Miranda definitely seemed a lot older here, as well. Almost reminds me of the end of her run on Drake & Josh, when she had obviously out-grown her role as cute little (albeit evil) Megan Parker, and was ready to do iCarly. Of course, this could just mean that it's time for iCarly to enter a new phase. I wouldn't mind seeing iCarly: The College Years. ;)

And What Your TV Says About You Behind Your Back

ANYWAY... If I were trying to be all philysophical and chiz, I would say something like.... My feelings are summed up by this one scene early in the episode. The big bad lawyer people are discussing the case in the kitchen and the one lawyer's two young daughters come walking into the room laughing, and then they see the intense adult scene going on in the room, and they say "Oh, sorry," and walk away.

Court room dramas are fascinating stuff. The twists and turns are sure to always keep you guessing and it can be really satisfying to finally get to the bottom of the story at the end of the episode, when all the pieces fall into place. But in all in all, I think I'd rather watch Gibby burst out of a giant cherry pie like an alien chestburster while Jennette McCurdy poses like a grimlord. Man, I've spent years in the bleak fog of "adulthood" (whether genuine or wholly imagined), and there's something to be said for... wait for it... the zenlike immaturity of a youth. If given the option, I'd rather laugh than stare.

Of course, anyone who isn't an idiot will realize that these two states of being (colloquially "adulthood" and "youth,") are anything but mutually exclusive. And anyone who isn't an idiot and a half will realize that it's perfectly possible for a man to enjoy both children's sitcoms and courtroom dramas. I wonder which one Miranda Cosgrove prefers...