Saturday, November 24, 2012

iGoodbye: Final Thoughts...


Bravo, Dan. You gave us a good finale. My biggest fear was iCarly's finale would sort of just be like any other episode, but it wasn't. It was sad and beautiful, I of course bawled like a baby. It was very touching and left me broken as a shattered doll. So much so that rather than watching the new Victorious that's currently airing, I had to play sad songs on my ipod and write this post.

It was really amazing to see Miss Briggs and Lewbert back. Would have been cool to see Wendy or Melanie though. 'Course there's still a chance Melanie could show up on Sam & Cat someday. And it was really awesome to finally see Colonel Shay. And all the characters were given a good send-off, Carly, Freddie, Spencer, Sam...

I know I should say something more, something better, to capture the moment. But either you felt it or you didn't. Either this show meant the world to you and now it's gone, or it just didn't. iCarly was a coming of age experience for a lot of us, and we're better people for it. Lord knows how very true that is of me.

Mercifully, we don't need to say goodbye completely. iCarly will live on in two spinoffs. Jerry Trainor has his own show coming up on Nick @ Nite. And Nathan's in an upcomming found footage film. And we'll always have 109 episodes of iCarly to return to.


And the cynics were outraged,
Screaming "This is absurd!"
'Cause for a moment, a band of thieves,
In ripped-up jeans got to rule the world. 
 -- Taylor Swift, Long Live

Thursday, November 22, 2012

iCarly Week: Fan Creations


iCarly Week: Fan Creations

As a teen I was mosty interested in stuff that not only none of my friends were into, but that was at least 10 years behind its prime. This is one of the reasons why iCarly has been such an incredible experience for me: this is something that was new, current, and fully alive. Which means there was a vast plethora of ever-changing fan content for me to explore. And I even participated in it!


Fan-fiction

Fan-fiction is a brilliant realm of fandom, where authors can take the characters they know and intimately understand, then allow them to explore new kinds of experiences they will never encounter in their native work: different genres, different perspectives, different personalities. I never read a lot of fanfiction but the few I did read really moved me a lot. They were, of course, all Cam. Here are my two favorites:


iGo to the Beach is an achingly beautiful and terribly depressing drama fic where Carly and Sam plan a carefree day at the beach to indulge the curious mix of deep abiding friendship and intimate romance. The day out takes a grim turn and Sam has to experience the most crushing angst of her life. It takes iCarly into realms of romance and angst that the original sitcom would never even consider.

iBet for Carly's Love recasts iCarly as more of a teen drama, with drinking and partying and the like, as though the show were on MTV or ABC Family. Freddie coaxes Sam into a dersive bet to see who can win Carly's affection, but when Carly gets way too drunk at a party Sam has to step in to keep her safe. It's a touching fic and it's interesting to see the iCarly gang in this kind of a setting.


Fan Videos

Fan videos are one of fandom's great pleasures. It's amazing what people can create out of just clips and music. It's one thing to create a new world with fanfiction, where the options are limitless, but to take the show that already exists and turn it into something new with naught but wit and creative editing? It's unbelievable.

By far the most ingenious creator of Carly fanvids is MyOverSizedDisguise, who gave us Cam shippers the greatest gift of all when she recast iCarly as a romantic drama in her "Dismantle Repair" video. It's my favorite youtube video of all-time, by leaps and bounds, and deserves to be a feature length film by all rights.



She also took iCarly into the teen scream horror realm with her brilliant "Seattle Webshow Massacre" videos. If Nick was smart they would have bought up the rights and made this a reality as well!



Another of the most brilliant vid makes is TurnYourCamOn. It'd be possible to pick favorites but here's one of her many good vids:



There's a massive world out there of vids so I encourage you to go and check out what you find!

Saturday, November 17, 2012

iCarly Week: Miranda Cosgrove's Music


Miranda never achieved the pop music success of other teen stars such as Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato. In fact, she didn't even best network-fellows Big Time Rush or the Victorious cast. But her music had a special quality to it. Her catalog over the years was an erratic hodgepodge of ever-shifting styles, completely unexpected from a corporate act presumably pushed into music just to bank off of her tween star power.

Her earliest material is ballsy, gruffly-produced, electric and hard rocking, like a mid-90s alt-y girlpop powerhouse ala Garbage. Her middle-work is more of a basic pop/rock outfit mixing typical rock instrumentation with pristine synth tracks, invoking comparisons to any number of early 21st Century pop singers like Avril Lavigne, Kelly Clarkson, Natalie Imbruglia, et. al. Her latter material pushes forward to the modern day with powerful EDM dance beats and spacey dance club lyrics. In all likelihood Miri's producers simply couldn't decide what direction they wanted her music to go in, but the resulting discography is a set of nuanced and varied pop gems, befitting the kind of smart selection I would expect from a pop visionary like Lady Gaga.

I had the pleasure of seeing Miranda's Dancing Crazy tour from front row center seats, and she put on a great show with a talented band. It's a shame her music never reached the noteriety of her Disney counterparts, because with iCarly gone we're unlikely to ever see her tour again. But thankfully we'll always have the studio work to jam with.

While pretty much all her stuff is excellent, and I could list a dozen A+ honorable mentions (Disgusting, Sayonara, Bam, et al!) I'll keep this short and sweet and list just the undeniable creme de la creme of her catalog. Here are the top five greatest Miranda Cosgrove songs.


Top 5 Miranda Cosgrove Should-Be Classics


#5 FYI (About You Now)




^ This deep cut from Miri's early period is girlish badass fun in the best way, with a pounding drum beat, snarky lyrics and a crunchy guitar behind a punchy synth. It's full of such genuine abandon it seems to capture the fun and fear inherent in young love.


#4 Beautiful Mess (Sparks Fly: Deluxe Edition)



^ With a late-90s chittering hip hop percussion track over cascading piano runs and moaning vocals, this gorgeously melodramatic ballad could have been a Destiny's Child outtake. It's one of the most beautiful and unique tracks in Miri's discography and it is just achingly cool.


#3 Headphones On (iCarly: Music From and Inspired By the Hit TV Show)



^ Here's the song that made me fall in love with Miranda's music in the first place. Featuring fucking ferocious guitar riffage throughout, Miri sings the praises of laziness and gives a big F-U to responsibility like a true grunger. It's catchy, it's fun, it reminds me of Tom Petty, and anyone who loves to dance around their room to their favorite song can relate to its message.


#2 Leave It All To Me [Billboard Remix] (iSoundtrack II)



^ This bouncing, dubstep-style baller of a club jam was the perfect finale to Miri's music career, appearing on her last release (the second iCarly soundtrack). It's only 3 minutes long, but unlike all the other banal "remixes," this is a legitimate dance song with real pulsating power. I still say Dancing Crazy is absolutely begging for an ethereal 8-minute Dave Aude dance mix, but I'm overjoyed that we actually received one serious Miranda Cosgrove dance remix before her time in music ran out.


#1 Face of Love (High Maintenance)


^ Face of Love is a genuinely brilliant pop song. Smooth and cool, catchy and unique. It's a perfect tune from its subtle, mysterious guitar riff, to its stuttering heart beat pulse, to its universal but vivid lyrics. It's such a cosmic jam it's worthy of ultra-hip indie pop dreamweaver Imogen Heap, and Miranda Cosgrove manages to pull of the gig with impressive competence.


Jen's Music

The illustrious Jennette McCurdy also attempted a music career during her time in iCarly. And while her country style doesn't appeal to me as much as Miranda's pop, the talent in Jennette's music is undeniable. She even wrote some of her own songs, and it's plain to see that she's one of the most technically proficient singers on Nick or Disney. Here are a couple of her better tracks.






The iCarly cast also got together for a slightly awkward but utterly awesome rendition of Puffy's "I'm Coming Home."


iCARLY WEEK


iCarly is a verifiable modern legend. It reigned at the top of the teen sitcom heap for over five years, smashed standard conventions on teen sitcom longevity, spurred Disney Channel to go bigger, edgier, and better to compete, and gave Nickelodeon it's all-time greatest ratings with the iSaved Your Life episode. It drew fanatical devotion from kids, teens, and even adults. And it's about to spawn not one, but two spin-off series. After one-hundred-and-nine glorious episodes, iCarly will air its series finale this Friday November 23rd, 2012.

This week I'll be reliving the zany, goofy, insane fun and Zenlike Immaturity will be providing you with daily entries cover all the essential topics in iCarly history, lore, and legend.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Continuing Through The Dark Nights...


Autumn is the perfect time for horror, with the rustling of leaves, the crunch under every step, as the first chill creeps across the land and the darkness begins taking more of the day for its own. But Winter is a truly spooky month in its own right. The bitter cold and howling winds keep people hunkered within their homes at night, leaving towns deserted and welcome to the prowl of creatures. Everything becomes deathly silent with the somber falling snow. And the Darkness wins over the day, giving way to 14 hour nights ripe for nightmares. 


It all started with, of all things, a creepy, kitschy commercial for a local haunted attraction. Last year I would hear the ad every night when my alarm went off at 10pm for work. The ad inspired me to get into the spirit of the Halloween season and I raced out to the local used store to pick up some DVDs. Just basic classics to start: Silence of the Lams, Scream, The Blair Witch Project....

I had never been big on Halloween before, not since I was a kid. In the years prior to 2011 I hadn't even watched a single scary movie to commemorate the holiday, not even on the Halloweens I had off from work. I enjoyed horror movies well enough, but my appettite was satiated by AfterDark's annual HorrorFest, until that series became defunct.

After watching Blair Witch I became enamored with found footage and started gathering up every film I could find from the genre. And at the time I thought it would continue well past the witching month. When October ended I still had a decent sized list of found footage I wanted to see. The problem was, though, I hit all the high notes early: Blair Witch, [REC], Wicksboro Incident. By the end of October 2011 the movies I was watching were b-grade at best and I found myself abruptly losing interest once the month was over.

This year was different. The fun and spooky allure of Halloween began haunting me as early as Spring, and by the time Autumn finally fell, I had long lists of things to watch. It was pretty much the most amazing Autumn of all-time, I was watching amazing new things on a practically daily basis for two months.

I haven't found it so easy to give up on horror this year. Though October has come and gone, I now have a whole host of films that have newly become all-time favorites, I can't simply shelve them for a whole year just as soon as I've discovered them. I've already started rewatching them, one per week. Ginger Snaps 2, Scream 4, Atrocious, The House of the Devil, Let The Right One In, these films are so good I just have to watch them again. And then again. And again. But rewatches alone may not satiate....

I'm already planning a little marathon to celebrate the Winter Solstice, since it is after all, the longest night of the year. I'm thinking something on hourly themes. At midnight I might watch Suspiria, as it is the witching hour. For the 5am hour of the wolf I can definitely scrounge up something wolfy to watch. The premise of Wolfen would intrigue me if it weren't so 1980s. Maybe the Wolfman remake.... And I'm looking for a devil movie for 3am the devil's hour.

Part of me is sad that I won't have a wide host of things to watch next October, since I'm going to be watching horror all year. But there's no telling what form my interests will take next. As unlikely as it seems, it's possible I may not even be in a scary movie kind of mood next October, and then I would have wasted hours and hours of fun I could have been having all year, only to not even watch all the movies I saved. C'est la vie!


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

5 Ways iCarly Changed My Life




Truth be known, I rarely even watch iCarly anymore; except for the new episodes, and even those I sometimes skip (there's one or two that I haven't even caught in reruns yet.) It's not that I've lost my love for this spectacular, genre-defining series, it's just that I've been watching iCarly for two-and-a-half years now. I am a person who enjoys variety, and I've long since moved on to newer curios, ones with secrets left to grant me.

But as iCarly winds down, and prepares to bookend five years spent dominating children's television (the series finale airs in a couple of weeks), it's hard for me not to look back on the preposterously unlikely role iCarly played in my life. Though its timespan was brief compared to many of my other fandoms, it managed to have quite a bit more impact than I'd expect from any one show, introducing me to a plethora of things I had simply never given a chance before. And for that I will always be grateful. It's amazing the kinds of things that exist just below the surface, things you might never have considered. Crazy as it may sound, iCarly didn't just change my life, it changed my life in several ways, I can't deny it. Insane, right? Well, it's a thing that happened, I might as well just love it.


1. iCarly broadened my television horizons.

I've been watching Nickelodeon and Disney Channel since I was a baby. But it was always strictly background noise to me, even as a kid I never fully appreciated it. Then iCarly's high craft and effortlessly light-hearted demeanor made me take a second look at how good these type of shows can be. It turns out they're just sitcoms like you might see on ABC or Fox. And as a lover of sitcoms, I've found much and more to love in this subgenre. Thanks to iCarly, I've had tens of hours of new quality entertainment ranging from the brilliant Victorious, to The Secret World of Alex Mack, to Disney's five star current roster of Austin & Ally, Jessie, ANT Farm, Good Luck Charlie, and Shake It Up.


2. iCarly helped introduce me to modern music.

Miranda Cosgrove wasn't the first modern pop artist I became a fan of (that honor goes to Taylor Swift). Even so, she played a massive role in my discovery of pop music. She was the first modern pop artist for whom I bought an entire album (as opposed to singles), and even more importantly, her brilliant dance-pop EP High Maintenance diffused my wariness towards EDM and helped to usher in a whole era of great discoveries for me including Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Dev, and a half-dozen other cool artists I might not be listening to without Miri. In the long run I'm not sure my musical landscape would really look any different without iCarly, but at the very least it and Miranda made some major contributions to the best year for music I ever had, 2011. Her music career may be short and over, but the music she released is highly excellent.


3. iCarly introduced me to Twitter.

I'm a millennial  I've been talking to people on the internet since I was probably 8 or 9. I've been going on message boards since I was 10 or 11 at the latest. But Twitter never really captured my fancy. That is, until I started meeting iCarly fans on there and they taught me how to properly utilize it. Twitter is the most advanced and convenient form of internet small-talk yet devised, making conventional chatrooms categorically obsolete. It's like a chatroom with millions of people in it, except there's zero clutter because you hand-pick every person you want to hear from, and the added bonus is you get to talk to flesh-and-blood celebrities, too! It's a very convenient tool, and I'm still friends with some of the first iCarly fans I met on Twitter over two years ago. For that, I can't thank iCarly enough.


4. iCarly introduced me to fandom.

I've been a crazy rabid fanboy since I was.... well, since before I can remember. I obsessed over DBZ in the 90s, obsessed over Led Zeppelin at the turn of the century, and obsessed over this, that, or the other ever since. But fandom was never really something I knew or understood. It was something I just passed through like a ghost, I never knew there was this wide world of memes, fanfiction, shipping. Heck even when my favorite things in the world were Gilmore Girls and Dawson's Creek (roughly 2005 to 2010), I had no idea that shipping was a thing. To me it was more about, I don't know, the story, the journey. I didn't care who they were with, but how and why.

Part of this has to do with iCarly being a girly show. Guy fandom is mostly deplorable, full of pissing matches, over-analysis and little else. Girl fandom has a sense of humor to it, so it was something I could really get into. It's fun and kooky and it's just a wonderful thing for any superfan to converge with like minds and have a communal laugh at ourselves. Fandom and shipping were one of the primary driving forces that made me fall in love with iCarly. Without iCarly introducing me to Twitter, I never would have found out about fandom in the first place!


5. iCarly kept me focused (on sobriety).

Wroth though I am to admit it, once upon a time I strugglwd with depression, and there was a time when I struggled with alcohol and other (legal) recreational drugs. iCarly had nothing to do with my initial decision to become sober, but what it eventually did was give me an avenue through which to leave that period of my life behind. Due to the four reasons listed above this one, iCarly gave me a network of interest and activity that had absolutely nothing to do with drug use, and in doing so I was able to glide past it, and never think about it again. It got to the point where the thought of doing drugs again repulsed me, because my newfound interests required me to be sharp-minded and energetic, rather than complacent and lethargic. Might I have failed, without iCarly and the new things it lead to? Luckily, I'll never need to find out.

So yes, I'm one of those crazy fans who has a fictional work change their life. But I've always been one of those people. The difference is, now, I'm all the better for it. It was never something I intended, it happened sans any input from me. But thank you, iCarly, for being a catalyst, and thank you for over one-hundred episodes. And the amazing cast. And the hilarious hijinks. You'll go down in history as one of the best. There could never be a TV show to which I owe a greater debt of gratitude. And you will be missed.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

The Great Halloween Review


It all started a little over a year ago when I heard a kitschy, creepy radio ad for Kennywood's Phantom Fright Nights. I decided to get into the spirit of the season and raced out to the local used CD store. I started with just a few basic classics, The Silence of the Lambs, Scream, The Blair Witch Project. After that, I became ensconced, but by the time I had even started, October was already half over. So ever since then I've been gearing up for my next chance to submerge myself in Halloween spooks. This year I took it as far as I could, with scary movies, creepy documentaries, haunting TV dramas and ominous Halloween music. I had Halloween 24/7 for over two months.

I had been waiting for Fall all year, so when it finally came, I was ready with a long list of things to watch. 42 films and a dozen TV shows I had never seen later, here are my rankings for the best of the best this year. This includes several of the highest quality, most superb TV & films I've ever seen!

But, honestly, I enjoyed all of what I watched. I learned pretty quickly what I do and don't like out of horror, and I chose each movie very carefully. A lot of good films like Insidious, Interview With the Vampire, and Session 9 just couldn't fit on the list. That doesn't mean they aren't excellent, just that they aren't AS excellent. Look to your right for the complete list of films I watched this Autumn.


Films


1. Atrocious

- This is the film that, in an abundantly real sense, restored my faith and interest in found footage, which happens to be my favorite genre. Everything a found footage film can do right, Atrocious achieves. The setting is beyond unsettling, the urban legend which gives the film its impetus is the most utterly flawless, scary, and believable (as an urban legend) fake urban legend I've ever heard. The way she is portrayed as being helpful but also inhuman and potentially sinister if you don't follow the rules seems to mirror so many real life urban legends, and it perfectly encapsulates the eerie hedge maze of the setting. The progression of the story couldn't be more perfect and the ultimate action handily bests the comparable climaxes of Paranormal Activity and Blair Witch. No film has scared me as much as this since I first saw Paranromal Activity 2 in theaters, and that was when I was a much younger (and more impressionable) man (hey, two years can change you a lot sometimes!). Possibly the scariest movie I've ever seen.

2. The House of the Devil

- This is easily one of the most perfect films I've ever seen. The atmosphere is so palpable and affecting you could cut it with a knife. It's not disturbing like Atrocious, it's creepy and unsettling in that classic ghost-story kind of way. Every detail is perfect, down to the super creepy film she sees when she turns on the TV. And the story is so real and believable, it's almost enough to make me not want to watch it alone (in a good way). The 1980s setting is so expertly crafted that it gave me nostalgia I had forgotten I even had. If I caught this film while channel surfing, I may have thought it was actually made in the 80s. The eventual payoff is excellent enough but the real fun in a Ti West film is the journey. The final two short scenes were brilliant, though. And oh, god, the acting throughout.... easily some of the finest acting I've seen in my life. Especially from the husband commissioning the baby-sitter job, he just nails his role with aplomb.


3. Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed

- This is among those rare sequels that is better than the first. While the original Ginger Snaps was plump with cool gothic style and I love it for that, Ginger Snaps 2 takes a turn for the dark and improves on the first in that regard. It actually cultivates some damn creepy scenes with abandoned asylum corridors, dark wooded areas, and sanitarium mistreatment. Ginger appears only as a corporeal hallucination to calmly harbinge doom for Brigitte. Brigitte, understandably unconvinced that the condition which forced her to kill her sister is a friend and not a foe, continues to battle tooth and nail against the onset of puberty. But can she fight the inevitable  The storyline in this one was even more intriguing than the first, even if it's not as iconic. Is this the best werewolf series of films? Easily.



4. Scream 4

- While Scream and Scream 2 are admittedly better films, Scream 4 may well be my favorite of the series. I'm too young and too new to horror to intimately appreciate the cultural context of the early Scream films, and I've never been an avid or learned slasher film watcher (I haven't even seen most of the classics, it's just not my thing). Alternatively, I am intimately familiar with the rash of recent horror remakes and therefore Scream 4's pitch-perfect deconstruction of that fad resonates with me more deeply than the others could. And, as always, Scream provides a fun, smart, thrill ride of mystery-horror that masterfully achieves the precarious balance between being funny but still maintaining seriousness as a legitimate horror film. A true rarity in the horror genre.


5. Pan's Labyrinth

- An adult fantasy is an exquisite thing. Adults actually need fantasy films much more so than do children. For a child, fantasy is intrinsic, intuitive, it happens for them without even trying, whether or not there's a film attached. It's adults who rely on a film like Pan's Labyrinth to remind them that magic and beauty are not wholy incompatible with the harsh trials of the real world. That's what makes a grim but hopeful film like Pan's Labyrinth so unique and so utterly essential. But even if there weren't so few films which attempt this necessary public service as does Pan's Labyrinth, it would still rank among the very best of the form, with its ethereal soundtrack, lifelike creatures, and point-perfect storytelling. Other films have attempted it, but none has ever succeeded like Pan's Labyrinth: it created a fairytale film that was brutal without being obscene, magic without being cheesy, and as sincere as any film can be.



6. The Cabin in the Woods

- The Cabin in the Woods is just pure fun in the best way. It contains a little sprinkle of the best of each world, despite mastering none of them. It's extremely clever and indelibly intriguing to watch. I love fun horror films but the various braindead teen screams just (understandably) flatline with me, so hip, intelligent send-ups like this are a prayer answered. Some of the brilliant deconstruction of Scream, some of the grim excitement of Battle Royale, and some of the classic horror bloodbath of The Evil Dead comes together to make this a unique and essential film. It's the first truly brilliant deconstruction since Scream and it's one of the smartest films I've seen, with likely the most fully- and articulately-realized premise.


7. Let the Right One In

- The Vampire has always had some small romance to it, dating back at least as far as the sexual allegory in Bram Stoker's genre-defining Dracula. But over the decades, vampires have shed their demonic roots and become ever more romantic, to the extent that they've become soap opera characters thrice as often as horror characters today. Let The Right One In is the vampire romance to end all vampire romance, a film that treats its subjects not in soap opera broad strokes but with a realism and mercy rarely attempted. All in all, it's one of the best coming of age films you'll ever have the treat of experiencing (along with Fucking Amal and The Breakfast Club, just saying). One of my favorite aspects of it, subtle though the reveal was, is that it is in fact an LGBT romance film. Whether you interpret the Eli character as intersex, transgender, or simply a boy, it's impossible to spin the relationship as heterosexual.


8. Wilderness Survival for Girls

- Wilderness Survival for Girls was quite a pleasant surprise. The scene where they discuss the anniversary of the murders next to the glowing fire is the single most picturesque, perfectly frightening storytelling scene I've ever seen, it's exactly what I had hoped to get out of Campfire Tales. Then when a brash, foolish squatter barges in on the three young girls alone in their cabin miles away from civilization, they're forced to decide what they have to do to him to protect themselves. Tie him up, kill him, or just let him leave? The moral dilemma, psychological cat and mouse game, and creeping dread over what the man may do to them collides together to craft bar none one of the most nail-bitingly exciting thrillers I've ever had the good fortune of viewing.


9. The Innkeepers

- The modern Master of Suspense, Ti West, treats me to another pulse-pumping treatise in the art of rising tension. The build up is just as well-crafted and terrifyingly fun this time around, as a couple of amateur ghost hunters work in a creepy-as-fuck hotel for it's final weekend before going out of business. The atmosphere is sublime, the story is interesting, the set-up is perfect. Plus, the leading lady is super adorable. Ti can make as many of these films as he likes and I will eagerly watch every one of them, his style suits me wondrously.

10. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

- I can understand why this film didn't land with some people, but it could practically have been made just for me. The dream team brilliance of director Guillermo Del Toro and music director Javier Navarrete inform this film with flawless, picturesque atmosphere as always. My long-tme favorite American Sweetheart Katie Holmes comes out of hiding to grace us with another lovely performance. The story of a child encountering bedtime monsters may be an oft-used go-to scenario, but to me it is by far one of the most inherently chilling premises because of how plausible a parent's denial would be in this circumstance. And the icing on the cake is: in Del Toro's version, the creatures are pre-human faeries! Still-surviving, pre-human, language-speaking hominids are my all-time favorite cryptids behind living dinosaurs.

11. Monsters

- Monsters was a hidden gem. Years ago the world became infected with alien spawn from a fallen satellite  These aliens are not intelligent life (more like animals), but they grow to be absolutely massive and are extremely dangerous. As there's no way to stop them, the world must learn to cope. The romantic drama in the film verges on saccharine at times but it holds a sentimentality fully worthy of classic Spielberg, and this aspect is balanced out by some very extreme and sincere grit that also accompanies the film.

12. Grave Encounters

- While not as brilliant of a film as Home Movie (#14 on this list), this was definitely more my style. Grave Encounters takes something a dozen found footage films have done, but they manage to do it well enough that it's actually an excellent and worthwhile film, the best of its particular ilk. The setting is creepy and some of the scares are downright terrifying. The disintegration of the situation is well-crafted and disquieting. I felt the final segment dragged on quite a bit passed where it conceivably could have ended on a stronger note, but the final reveal was quite disturbing none the less. One of the better found footage films out there.

13. Scream 2

- I love a good Scream film and this one more than qualifies as good, Scream 2 matches the quality and caliber of the original in every regard. Keeps you guessing and delivers the requisite body count and snarky dialogue Kevin Williamson is honorbound to court. Frankly I wish there were a million Scream films, because I can't get enough of them. Many consider this even better than the original Scream, and I'd have to say they're about equal: Scream 2 has the best reveal, and deconstruction at least as good as the first.

14. Home Movie

- Home Movie is the realistic tale of extremely apt and loving parents who are forced to confront the fact that their children have a macabre obsession with death and mutilation. The disturbing concepts of this film have haunted me ever since I saw it, almost to the extent that I regret watching it. Doubt I'll be watching this one again any time soon but I'd be lying if I said it was anything less than masterfully done. I do have some qualms with the ending, but everything that precedes it is brilliantly crafted to the utmost, one of the best handled and most realistic films I've ever watched.

15. V/H/S

- V/H/S didn't completely fulfill its potential but it's worth a watch merely for the A+ chills of the first "tape." I love found footage and I love anthologies so this was a no-brainer for me. The stories have some interesting twists and, in contrast to most found footage, this film delivers the gore and nudity in bucketsfull.

16. Requiem

- A very competent and deeply affecting coming of age drama, heart-wrenchingly sincere in its portrayal of one poor girl's true life story. Some scenes were so strong I could barely stand to watch them, the realness and force of this film can be staggering. Requiem could have ranked much higher if it didn't end quite so abruptly. I understand the point of ending it there, but they could have still given more resolution without moving any further in her life story.

17. Fun Size

- Victoria Justice and Jane Levy star in this fun teen Halloween romp with a plethora of seriously gut-busting jokes, a crazy town-trotting story, and a motley collection of peculiar characters each with their own individual nuances. Fun Size is an excellent film for what it is.

18. Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil

- Horror-comedy is rarely ever my kind of thing, but Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil was so well-written I just had to watch. The jokes are funny and the love story contained within it is by far the most touching love story I've seen in a horror film.

19. Incident at Loch Ness

- Imagine that if, out of the thousands of trips documentary crews take to find cryptids, one of them actually found something. That's the premise of this jocular satire played off as though it were real. It's straight-faced deadpan humor comparable to something like Curb Your Enthusiasm. Like Ghostwatch and the TV-version of Incident in Lake County, Incident at Loch Ness utilizes a reputable and well-known personality to lend credibility to the farce, in this case it's the world-renowned documentarian Werner Herzog. As a fan of cryptids I would have been more interested if this premise was played out as less of a satire. But it's an expressly hilarious film, and I certainly can't fault it just for being an excellent comedy. I honestly haven't laughed more at any horror/supernatural comedy than this.

20. Kissed

- A deeply disturbing premise (necrophilia), gives way to a pretty much inarguably high-craft and affecting romance/drama film. The part where she licks the dead chipmunk was a little too much for me, but to call this film anything less than brilliant would be idiotic. Kissed is so excellently put together that it lends inalienable humanity and heart to something inexorably uncomfortable and dismaying. A truly beautiful film in the deepest sense imaginable.

Television



1. The Walking Dead

- Simply unprecedented. Easily the best horror television series ever made, and instantly one of my all-time favorite shows. It seamlessly combines the grit and intellect of Breaking Bad with the expert story-telling and jaw-dropping plot twists of Game of Thrones, then it injects some of the masterful drama of Dawson's Creek for good measure (face it, it's there). Oh and did I mention the zombies? I mean this show is Scary with a capital S. Somehow they manage more gruesome and believable makeup & effects than movies which use up The Walking Dead's entire budget every five minutes. And the way the dead are always a factor, always moving, no matter how okay things seem at the moment the monsters could show up at any minute, it really gets under my skin. Not to mention this is the most genuine and captivating portrayal of the post-apocalypse I've ever seen. The Walking Dead is amazing.

2. American Horror Story

- American Horror Story is a gorgeously enthralling little love-affair with everything Horror and a little bit of a demonic soap opera. You'll find every kind of horror trope imaginable crammed into this series: serial killers, sorority murders, demonic pregnancy, an undead monster baby, doctors tampering with unholy experiments, every kind of ghost you can imagine... And amazingly, it all works. The drama is exquisite and the atmosphere is top, but the most immaculately ingenius thing about this series is that it just kept building upon itself compulsively and it never failed to tie its threads perfectly. Every episode would introduce new characters, new backstories, new connections between this character and that character which you never could have expected but which in hindsight makes perfect sense. This show is a masterpiece of form, function and execution.

3. Masters of Horror

- Despite disparate creators from episode to episode, Masters of Horror was thick with a brooding atmosphere which really permeated the series. It wasn't always great but the best episodes were brilliant. Among the best episodes: Horror legend John Carpenter lent his talents to the brilliantly unsettling "Cigarette Burns" and the demonically fun "Pro-Life," while William Malone's "The Fair-Haired Child" was creepy as fuck, and another Horror legend Tobe Hooper directed a post-apocalypse with a poignant message in "Dance of the Dead." The only thing Masters of Horror lacks was a wrap-around setup. The Crypt Keeper in Tales From the Crypt, The Midnight Society in Are You Afraid of the Dark, an anthology series without a wrap-around isn't a TV series, it's a collection of random short films.

4. The Vampire Diaries

- I held off so long on watching this because I thought it might suck. It just sounded so hokey and cliche'. Foolish of me to doubt the great Kevin Williamson, I watched a myriad of supernatural teen soaps this October and Vampire Diaries was by far the best, beating out the likes of Teen Wolf, Being Human, and the classic Buffy The Vampire Slayer. In fact it outshines HBO's True Blood. Even more impressive, it outshined Britt Robertson's The Secret Circle, and I consider Britt the new Katie Holmes. The Vampire Diaries is simply written better, with more believable romance and a more interesting mythology than most shows in this ilk. And the incomparable writing of Williamson is always appreciated, the scene where Damon discusses Twilight was an unexpected pleasure on par with any meta dialogue in Scream or Dawson's Creek.

5. R.L. Stine's The Haunting Hour

- Despite the rather awkward fact of this show only be 30 minutes, reputable kid horror guru R.L. Stine brings an excellently modern sensibility and a bit more of an adult attitude to his classic, clever bites of horror. Pound for pound I found this show more enjoyable than other horror anthology shows I watched this season including Goosebumps (same style, less mature), Fear Itself (more hit than miss, stories kind of samey), Tales From the Crypt (cool style but it didn't age well), and Are You Afraid of the Dark? (absolutely gorgeous atmosphere but the stories themselves weren't that great).


Music


Top Soundtracks:

1. Pan's Labyrinth (Javier Navarrete)

- Javier Navarrete's work is always brilliant, and Pan's Labyrinth is his best piece. Full of haunting lullabies, enchanting lingering piano, and an ethereal main theme that reoccurs at all the right moments.

2. The House of the Devil (Jeff Grace)

- Like the rest of the film, the soundtrack to The House of the Devil is idyllic and flawless. It's just iconic with it's meandering, fluttering piano chords fading into subtle strings, it perfectly encapsulates the unease the film courts.

Best Halloween-relevant Rock Songs

1. The Ghost Song -- The Doors

- Haunting, groovy, mysterious, almost supernatural... this definitely sounds like a song that ghosts would actually dance to. Soooo atmospheric.

2. Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) -- Marilyn Manson

- Manson is the king of creepy and this song so perfectly embodies that Halloween spirit for me. It first came to my attention due to it's gorgeous use in Trick 'r Treat (the best movie ever made), and it's been an ultimate October track for me ever since.

3. Girl Afraid -- The Smiths

- The Smiths have that kind of brooding, atmospheric 1980s quality that to me just intrinsically feels like the soundtrack to a good horror movie, I don't know why. The lyrics here detail a girl's bad feeling about a man's intentions, which fits perfectly with some kind of slasher/stalker type film. "I'll never make that mistake again," I can just envision it playing during some chase scene after the killer dupes her.

4. Talons Out (And Teeth Sharpened) -- DevilDriver

- This kitschy metal track would fit so perfectly with a kitschy self-aware 21st century creature feature that I started imagining what the movie would be like, and even what the sequels would be like!

Fun Size




I didn't expect this to be a great movie. I figured it was just a fun chance to throw Victoria Justice some support and see her on the big screen, unfortunately it may be our only chance. To my gleeful surprise, it was a really good movie. It was less a kids movie than it was a zany teen comedy, full of naughty jokes and snarky humor, much more mature than I was expecting and I loved it for that.

Fun Size isn't a groundbreaking classic like Mean Girls or The Breakfast Club. But it is a solid, very funny and very watchable film, with an exciting story and some decent drama to boot. I enjoyed the Halloween setting (although they could have milked it more), and I love how almost every character's individual story sort of criss-crossed at the party. In that aspect it almost felt like a teen comedy version of Trick 'r Treat.

The fact that one of the main characters has two moms (i.e. gaaaaaay) who are featured prominently is reason enough alone for me to like this film. The fact that one of the boys raises his hand when the hot popular guy asks who wants to kiss him was icing on the cake.




This story was full of "adult children" so it was perfect for me. It almost seemed like there might be a deeper theme here, about growing up, although I couldn't really find an appropriate angle to equate Vic's crazy teenage adventure with the coming of age story all the adult characters went through (other than maybe her realization about what constitutes real romance). The mom's obsession with staying young was just depressing, but the convenience store clerk who had no friends was awesome. When he finds out that the hip girls at the party had been hanging out with Albert too, he delivers one of the films best lines: "See, it's not like I hang out with lame eight-year-olds!"

Victoria was, of course, very good. It was also a nice surprise to see Jane Levy (of ABC's Suburgatory) with such a key role. While Suburgatory isn't as good as MTV's Awkward, it's about as good as the 'network' sitcoms can get these days, and Levy's charisma is the show's best asset. She plays an obliteratingly different character in Fun Size, and thus gets a chance to prove her chops.

I had heard nothing but bad things about Fun Size. But I think the negative reception results from a cocktail of reasons, most of which have nothing to do with the actual film. Firstly, the film was promoted wrongly. It was billed as a kids film when the humor of the film is about 90% adult. Unambiguously raunchy jokes, deadpan sarcasm, self-deprecation and even a little politics makes up the majority of the film's jokes. This movie is more akin to Dude Where's My Car or Super Bad than it is to Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer. But there's also that 1/10th that consists of fart jokes and physical gags. And that's the second reason Fun Size had the cards stacked against it, the filmmakers don't seem quite sure whether they want this film to be Super Bad or Judy Moody. It could have been a great film by skewing in either direction, more family-friendly or as a "hard" PG-13. But instead they tow the middle line and as such the film has had a very hard time finding the right audience.

The final reason, live action children's movies are rarely ever given the fanfare they rightly deserve, while equally generic animated films get 100% ratings on Rotten Tomatoes and are called universal, ageless, brilliant... I suspect the culprit here is that adults intuitively connect childhood with fantasy, so personified inanimate objects and pixelized characters effortlessly hit home, while anything depicting a flesh-and-blood vision of youth is seen as inherently juvenile. It's ironic, because animation's target audience skews younger, which means that live action kids films are often allowed to delve into deeper issues than their animated counterparts. Mind you, there are animated kids films which are indeed staggeringly brilliant. But there are, too, live action kids films which are equally brilliant, and half as praised. Fun Size is *not* one of those films, it's not brilliant, it's merely good. But suffice to say that if this were an animated film I assure you it would garner better critical reviews from the adults upstairs.