Fun Size

I didn't expect this to be a great movie. I figured it was just a fun chance to throw Victoria Justice some support and see her on the big screen, unfortunately it may be our only chance. To my gleeful surprise, it was a really good movie. It was less a kids movie than it was a zany teen comedy, full of naughty jokes and snarky humor, much more mature than I was expecting and I loved it for that.

Fun Size isn't a groundbreaking classic like Mean Girls or The Breakfast Club. But it is a solid, very funny and very watchable film, with an exciting story and some decent drama to boot. I enjoyed the Halloween setting (although they could have milked it more), and I love how almost every character's individual story sort of criss-crossed at the party. In that aspect it almost felt like a teen comedy version of Trick 'r Treat.

The fact that one of the main characters has two moms (i.e. gaaaaaay) who are featured prominently is reason enough alone for me to like this film. The fact that one of the boys raises his hand when the hot popular guy asks who wants to kiss him was icing on the cake.

This story was full of "adult children" so it was perfect for me. It almost seemed like there might be a deeper theme here, about growing up, although I couldn't really find an appropriate angle to equate Vic's crazy teenage adventure with the coming of age story all the adult characters went through (other than maybe her realization about what constitutes real romance). The mom's obsession with staying young was just depressing, but the convenience store clerk who had no friends was awesome. When he finds out that the hip girls at the party had been hanging out with Albert too, he delivers one of the films best lines: "See, it's not like I hang out with lame eight-year-olds!"

Victoria was, of course, very good. It was also a nice surprise to see Jane Levy (of ABC's Suburgatory) with such a key role. While Suburgatory isn't as good as MTV's Awkward, it's about as good as the 'network' sitcoms can get these days, and Levy's charisma is the show's best asset. She plays an obliteratingly different character in Fun Size, and thus gets a chance to prove her chops.

I had heard nothing but bad things about Fun Size. But I think the negative reception results from a cocktail of reasons, most of which have nothing to do with the actual film. Firstly, the film was promoted wrongly. It was billed as a kids film when the humor of the film is about 90% adult. Unambiguously raunchy jokes, deadpan sarcasm, self-deprecation and even a little politics makes up the majority of the film's jokes. This movie is more akin to Dude Where's My Car or Super Bad than it is to Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer. But there's also that 1/10th that consists of fart jokes and physical gags. And that's the second reason Fun Size had the cards stacked against it, the filmmakers don't seem quite sure whether they want this film to be Super Bad or Judy Moody. It could have been a great film by skewing in either direction, more family-friendly or as a "hard" PG-13. But instead they tow the middle line and as such the film has had a very hard time finding the right audience.

The final reason, live action children's movies are rarely ever given the fanfare they rightly deserve, while equally generic animated films get 100% ratings on Rotten Tomatoes and are called universal, ageless, brilliant... I suspect the culprit here is that adults intuitively connect childhood with fantasy, so personified inanimate objects and pixelized characters effortlessly hit home, while anything depicting a flesh-and-blood vision of youth is seen as inherently juvenile. It's ironic, because animation's target audience skews younger, which means that live action kids films are often allowed to delve into deeper issues than their animated counterparts. Mind you, there are animated kids films which are indeed staggeringly brilliant. But there are, too, live action kids films which are equally brilliant, and half as praised. Fun Size is *not* one of those films, it's not brilliant, it's merely good. But suffice to say that if this were an animated film I assure you it would garner better critical reviews from the adults upstairs.

A Sad Day for Television: Victorious Cancelled

The good news? Victorious has 15 new episodes that have (apparently) been filmed recently. The bad news? Nickelodeon has given the axe to its best show. But not only its best current show, possibly its best sitcom ever, with iCarly being the only even remotely plausible competition.

This news came as an unprecedented surprise to all of us. With iCarly already being sent to the chopping block, could Nick truly be so brash as to kill off it's only other dependable sitcom at the same time? They're really going to throw the reigns to their mid-level B shows and brand new, yet-to-be-filmed pilots, and just cross their fingers that they'll flourish? When the network is already in such deep financial woes? 

Frankly, I'm devastated. Nick hasn't hurt me like this in.... well, probably never. When iCarly was cancelled, it was very sad, it was the end of an era, but it wasn't a massive loss. iCarly had already defied all comprehensible conventions, smashing Dan's previous sitcom record. It was time for the show to end, all of us in the iCarly fandom were expecting it to end two seasons earlier. But... Victorious? Victorious is young. Victorious has so much ahead of it, so much left to explore, so many untapped ideas. Or.... it did. But it's being cut down in its prime, long before we even have the luxury of watching it decline. Dan Schneider's best work isn't even being given the dignity of a fourth season. It's not just being cancelled, it's being cancelled earlier than previous Schneider shows that weren't 1/10th as good, like Drake & Josh and Zoey 101.

With both Victorious and iCarly finished filming forever.... Nickelodeon's golden age seems to be at a decisive end, save for The Legend of Korra. Can Nick resurrect itself from the brink of destruction? Only time will tell. But whatever Nick hopes to accomplish, they will have to fight their way uphill through the incompetent business decisions that have plagued the network for two years.

An event like this demands a more detailed analysis than this blog entry provides. What will become of the Victorious stars? What will this mean for the network's prospects in the short term? I haven't even mentioned the spin-off. But I'm short on time, on edge, and above all, at a loss for words. I was planning on writing a post about Disney Channel this evening, but then this news came up and torpedoed my intentions. What a sucky way to start a weekend.

The Secret World of Alex Mack

Lately my life has seen a lot of near-misses that turned into new blessings. I couldn't get my hands on the Sugar Rush TV show, so I ended up reading the far superior original novel. The DVD series of Unfabulous is sucpiciously unavailable, so I ended up revisiting a show whose DVD I could find -- a show from my very distant past. And frankly it may even outclass Unfabulous.

I keep thinking "there's no deeper into my television history I could ever possibly go." I've revisited shows from when I was 12 only to find they're thrice as well-written as I ever could guess. Will I someday realize Barney was a work of genius? I doubt it. But Alex Mack takes my archeological excavating to new heights thus far, a show all the way back from the mid-90s. It hasn't knocked me completely off my feet but it has left me very deeply impressed as an expert piece of solid craftsmanship, and a definitive work in the teen genre.

The Secret World of Alex Mack is a Sitdram, a show that generally follows the conventions of situation comedies but with a more serious atmosphere and only the rare unambiguous punchline here or there. Sitdrams generally have a 30 minute runtime (22-ish sans commercials) and are typically very episodic like a sitcom. A term you more commonly hear is Dramedy, but a dramedy more closely resembles a drama, the way a sitdram resembles a sitcom. Dramedies frequently feature an hour-long episode running length and focus on story arcs, but with a lighter atmosphere than the stone-cold approach many dramas wield.

It didn't hit me until I popped the DVD in and watched the first episode. "Thomas W. Lynch... where have I seen that name before?" It turns out that the creator of The Secret World of Alex Mack would go on to make the impeccable South of Nowhere ten years later! And that's far from his only credit. Though not as prolific as the untouchable Dan Schneider, Thomas W. Lynch has carved out a sizable portion of Nick history, including the drama Caitlin's Way and the recent comedy Bucket & Skinner's Epic Adventures. His work permeates with sentimental weight, stylish production, and excellent music selection.

I find the mid 90s aesthetic of Alex Mack particularly exulting and masterfully refreshing. The mild production (as was standard in the 90s) is a glorious change of pace from the overstimulation you find on even the most supposedly "adult-oriented" programs today (i.e. news shows). It has a strong dignity and zenlike simplicity to it that for obvious reasons you don't find in any of the current Nick or Disney shows -- they're all comedies. Drama was the norm for teen live action in the mid 90s and the early 00s, but today straight-up comedy reigns unopposed. While I'm a diehard comedy fan, Nick could desperately use a new sitdram or drama. I'm hoping that after Bucket & Skinner, maybe Lynch can put together a new one.

Alex Mack truly shines when it puts aside the subplot of the chemical plant trying to capture Alex, and focuses on Alex's family and social life, crafting quality coming of age material which I find sincere and close to home. Luckily, this happens often. Alex's run-ins with the evil chemical plant are mostly unconvincing, since it only takes a few iterations to demonstrate that no consequences will really come from it. There isn't a lot of longterm plot development in the show but there is a much-appreciated smattering of schmaltz and drama covering very much relatable contnet that is realistically handled. You also have to give Mack credit for spawning the subgenre of magical power teen shows, followed most notably by Wizards of Waverly Place.

Finally, this opens up the door for me to acquire more vintage Nick shows. Luckily I have a couple options left to me: Pete & Pete, Clarissa Explains it All. Unfortunately, a lot of good old shows have never been released at all, neither on DVD-R nor on digital services like iTunes. Nick has released a few classic series and still shows several on Teen Nick, while Disney has released zero from their back catalogue and halts reruns of old shows as quickly as possible.

I'm hoping that the digital era will rectify this mistake -- today, every new episode of a show is quickly released onto iTunes and Amazon. Ideally these shows will remain available 5, 10, 15 years from now when Shake It Up, ANT Farm, and Big Time Rush become novel and therefore newly lucrative. However, it's possible old shows will be pulled from iTunes when they become no longer current -- I've already seen this happen with some music. It would seem to me a no-brainer for shows to be kept on iTunes for purchase, no matter how few buyers they get, seeing as how it's not exactly taking up space in a warehouse anywhere! But this is not always the case, only time will tell how old shows are treated.

The Epidemic of Teen Sitcoms About Pop Singers

In the not at all distant past, teen sitcoms were mostly about regular schmucks, from Clarissa Explains It All and Even Stevens to Unfabulous and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. You also had your share of relatively unique (often Sci-Fi) premises, like Phil of the Future or The Secret World of Alex Mack.

Teen idols making waves as temporary pop music stars was nothing new. But a few programs came around that changed the relationship between their music and their television fame. You can trace the concept back to earlier instances, such as Drake Bell's guitar-slinging persona in Drake & Josh. But the concept truly became formidable in 2006.

The TV film High School Musical became unfathomably successful upon its release in January of 2006. Shortly thereafter Hannah Montana premiered and took over the world, centering on a fictional pop singer posing as a regular kid. Next, a previously made mockumentary-style independent film was turned into a TV series by Nickelodeon, called the Naked Brothers Band. High School Musical proved beyond dispute that music from a kids-oriented program could garner A-list sales, while Hannah and the NBB showed how seamlessly the TV show and the pop music by the show's star could be integrated. It was a match made in synergy heaven, with the show and the music career effortlessly promoting each other to stunning new sales heights.

Somewhere around the time that the same concept stormed network TV in the form of likewise-ultra-successful Glee, the TV world began bubbling over with the same old idea from Hannah Montana & Victorious. It's just now reached a fever pitch where practically every sitcom on Nick and Disney follows this formula.

Current or recent shows based entirely around the premise of an aspiring young singer or singers, with ties to commercially released music:

Hannah Montana
The Naked Brothers Band
Jonas L.A.
Big Time Rush
Victorious
How to Rock
A.N.T. Farm
Austin & Ally


Current shows that have included a subplot about one of the characters attempting to become a professional musician or that have included a character singing an original song (in at least one episode):

iCarly
Good Luck Charlie
Shake It Up
Jessie
Bucket & Skinner's Epic Adventures


Together that comprises every single notable sitcom currently airing new episodes on Nick and Disney (granted, I don't consider Nick's B-List sitcoms notable, they are: Supah Ninjas and Fred: The Show).

Technically, is a bunch of shows about aspiring singers less original than a bunch of shows about regular kids? Not necessarily. But the 'regular kid' premise has a sort of universal appeal. Even as a diehard, rabid, foaming at the mouth lover of pop music, having every show be about singing is starting to drive me up the wall. And I say that even as a likewise rabid fan of the current stock of teen sitcoms!

I don't need to tell you that I consider iCarly and Victorious the greatest ever entries in the teen sitcom genre, nor that I watch and adore nearly all of Disney Channel's current live action programing. If you read this blog, you know this. But with the recent premieres of Austin & Ally, and How To Rock, I just can't handle this identical premise any longer. Throw us fans a bone and give us another show about regular kids, or super-powered kids, or fueding siblings ...or lobsters on the moon, I don't care as long as nobody sings any songs. Jennette McCurdy has her own show soon to be made. Jen happens to be one of the most technically proficient singers on Nick or Disney. But if you bastards stick her in the 15th Hannah Montana remake, I will fucking cut you.

Classic iCarly Lineups

One of the many amazingly wonderful things about iCarly is that Nickelodeon shows at least a few episodes each day. So it becomes this exciting little game each day, what episodes are they going to play? It's a lot like listening to the radio, you root for your favorites get played, and for the eps I don't own or haven't watched a lot. It's pretty cool, sometimes themes arise, like a day of shipping episodes, or a day of season 1 episodes, or a day with an ep from each season.

I remember a couple perfect weekend lineups they had a month ago. But more recently, Nick has been playing some relatively weak lineups. It doesn't help that House of Anubis drained the weekday schedule and left it with less iCarlies per day. But now with Best Player coming up and House of Anubis over (I think), iCarly is back in full force and the first two schedules this week were so great I wanted to preserve them for posterity.

Monday, March 7th, 2011

4:30 -- iDon't Want to Fight
5:30 -- iWas a Pageant Girl
6:00 -- iGet Pranky
6:30 -- iTwins

Commentary: This is about as all-star of a lineup as possible. It's a hearty four eps, which is as much as you can get on a weekday. It perfectly represents one episode from each of the show's 4 seasons. iWas a Pageant Girl is among the top eps from Season 3 and iGet Pranky could well be Season 4's crowning achievement. And it contains two of the all-time most novel eps, the one with Sam's glorious twin sister, and iDon't Want To Fight -- what I consider to be the pinnacle Cam episode. Plus they're (intentionally) all Sam-heavy episodes, which is always most welcome (and perhaps quite preffered).

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

4:30 -- iPromote Tech-Foots
6:00 -- iBigfoot
7:00 -- iSam's Mom

Commentary: Few things could compete with the Monday schedule but this was still a fantastic lineup. Again it starts off with a Season 1 ep, this time another of my faves, the hilarious iPromote Tech-Foots. Then another of my all-time favorite season 3 episodes, iBigfoot, finished with Season 4's iSam's Mom which isn't really one of my favorites but is fantastic none the less.

My Turn

Picking favorite episodes is very diffuclt for me. I don't allow myself to overplay iCarly, so that it stays fucking amazing and keeps blowing me away every fucking day. As a result I don't have encylopedic familiarity with each ep, so ranking them is difficult. The quest is "burdened" further by the fact that most of the episodes are freaking fantastic, and the others are still pretty good. But I can extrapolate some themes. Here are, using the same weekday format from above, my picks as would-be Nickelodeon programming director.

"Ship Day"

4:30 -- iDon't Want to Fight
5:30 -- iKiss
6:00 -- iThink They Kissed
6:30 -- iSaved Your Life

"Season's Bests (more or less)"

4:30 -- iWanna Stay With Spencer
5:30 -- iMust Have Locker 239
6:00 -- iHave My Principals
6:30 -- iSell Penny Tees

Nick Versus Disney

Been watching "Hannah Montana Forever" on Youtube all day. I was crazy about this show... riiiight up until I discovered iCarly. And yeah, it's still fuckin' l33t.

I never realized until very recently just how much a connoisseur of kid's television I am. I mean, fuck it, I'm pretty familiar with this shit. I despised Nickelodeon and Disney when I was a kid, but I still watched them 24/7... 'cause it was better than Cartoon Network. And what else was there for me to watch? So I grinned and bore most of the shows that now constitute my generation's favored nostalgia. *shrug* Buncha kooks if you ask me, that shit was decent at best.

As a youth I was fond of sitting in a pitch black room watching Noir... I was obsessed with being grim, because my life WAS grim. And it was a beautiful synergy, just what I needed. But like Neil Young going from 60 to zero, the older I got, the more I was able to relax, and the more I appreciated the kids stuff. Quite obviously... this trend has yet to ebb!

NICK v DISNEY

Overall I'd say Nick brings a much higher level to the game than Disney. Disney's programming frequently relies on slapstick comedy and ultra-typical sitcom fare. Nickelodeon, on the other hand, seems to craft a unique identity for itself and employ genuine absurdist humor that rarely seems too childish or contrived. Comparing Nick to Disney is a lot like comparing Seinfeld to Two and a Half Men, or Futurama to Ugly Americans. I wouldn't mind watching any of those shows, but the vast distinction in quality and craft between them is obvious.

Nickelodeon wins the battle hands down just by its three greatest shows, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Victorious, and iCarly, each of which being some of the finest television I've yet had the pleasure of viewing. However, beyond that, I would definitely say that Disney & Nick are about even. They both have a few watchable cartoons (though nothing to write home a bout), and a handful of decent teen sitcoms.

I might put 90s Disney above 90s Nick. Nick had some decent shows like The Secret World of Alex Mack and Clarissa Explains It All. But at this point, Disney was in a more "adult" mindset, with live action shows featuring cute girls and serious plots. While researching for this post, I reviewed some of my old favorites, and... In an otherwise uninteresting episode of Disney's The Famous Jet Jackson, I stumbled upon this interchange:

Person 1: I was just thinking... you guys ever think about your life as you live it? I was listening to my parents talk the other night. They were remembering what it was like to be our age, all the fun they had, all the things they did. They were talking about it in a way that made me think they hadn't really appreciated it while they were having it.

Person 2: I know what you mean. What if we're all having these amazing lives, and we don't really realize until we look back on it when we're old, like our parents?

Maybe it's not Socrates (or maybe it is). But I'm afraid it may (or may not) touch on how or why I'm a 22 year old man who as of late has spent most of his time watching TV shows aimed at 13 year olds. Youth is a LOT more beautiful in hindsight than it'll ever be the first time around. And as much as older people want to tell you how great it is -- it'll never work. Not because kids are stubborn, but because we need all that life experience between then and now before this shit starts to seem poetic.

Now, in the 2000s, both stations stepped up their game. Disney had a lot of shows I dig such as Phil of the Future, Lizzie McGuire, The Jersey, Life With Derek (acquired programming), and Hannah Montana. Nick, in addition to its almighty triumverate, had great fare with Unfabulous, Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide, and Zoey 101.

Nick wins, but... why choose? You can have 'em both.