VHS Reborn

When I was, oh, ten or eleven years old, DVD first begun gaining prominence. But it was a long way off from total domination, and I still remember how wary I was of the new technology. Sure enough, I eventually became endeared to the format, and for the following 13 years I scarcely touched a VHS tape.

That all changed tonight. I picked up a 3 pack of blank VHs at the corner store (yes, they still have them there. Probably 'cause I live in an old people neighborhood). And I'm in the middle of 2 & 1/2 hours of VHS recording right now.

Two things inspired me to get back in the VHS game, each on opposite ends of the TV specturm: one on the lowest level of local public access, and the other on a unique high-end cable channel (which we just happen to randomly get, conveniently enough).

The first is Unsealed: Alien Files, a show that airs, flanked by infomercials, on the local network that took over years ago when the WB ceased to exist (The CW occupying UPN's slot at #22). It's not just the best and creepeist alien show currently airing, it's the only top-notch paranormal doc show that's been on in half a decade or more. It's beyond obvious a show like this will never be out on DVD or iTunes. And since I missed my chance so many years ago to capture the previous paranormal classics like Beyond Bizarre and Real Scary Stories, for future Halloween viewings I need to have Unsealed in my video repetoire.

The other is Palladia, a video music channel better than MTV or VH1 ever has been, even when they were great in the 1990s. A Viacom network (like VH1 and MTV), it reairs great music content from its sister stations like MTV Unplugged and VH1 Storytellers (often full versions *not* shown on their original networks!), but it also airs literally dozens of concerts you can't legally acquire anywhere else. It plays all the biggest festivals (Bonnaroo, Isle of Wight, Download, etc. etc.) and an almost ironically ideal mix of my two favorite genres, pretty much everything the channel plays is either classic rock or modern pop!

It's a fucking amazing station and I couldn't let it sit idly by any longer. After catching a badass Tom Petty set at some festival or another, and discovering that it isn't and will never, ever be released on DVD, I knew I had to get some tapes and record some of this amazing material. Sure enough, right after Unsealed tonight (conveniently not playing at the same time), Palladia is airing highlights from a festival from 2009 featuring... Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, and TAYLOR SWIFT. What a stroke of luck that I even have this channel.

Long story short, I'll probably have to go out and buy more VHS tapes in a couple of days. Three isn't going to last very long. And if I was so inclined, I could even record the movies from On Demand. The current stock includes such excellent films as Liam Neeson's 1998 non-musical Les Miserables, Mammoth featuring Michelle Williams and written/directed by Lukas Moodysson of Fucking Amal, and the much acclaimed horror-romance Let Me In featuring Chloe Moretz.

Hole. E. Shit: Dinosaur Found Footage

Chalk this one up to poor research.

One downside to the typical found footage tradition of titling films with generic, non-descript names is that, you can't tell what the film is about based on the title. [REC], Home Movie, The Wicksboro Incident, Chronicle, Atrocious, Cloverfield, all of the best found footage films have titles which tell you absolutely nothing about the movie other than perhaps that it is indeed a found footage film. Even "Paranormal Activity" could have just as easily been about aliens or telekinesis or cryptids, and frankly that's what they should have done -- each sequel should have been a stand-alone film about a different paranormal phenomenon. Heck, Oren Peli's unreleased Area 51 movie could have been one of the sequels. But I digress.

I'm not saying it's wrong, I understand why they do the titles like that: giving it a simple, generic title like "Tape 123" or "Filmed" makes it seem more real and less contrived, as if this is just some tape somebody has somewhere rather than a big hollywood movie. It's a strategy that ties in perfectly with the attributes of found footage, I can't begrudge them for it. But this'll teach me a lesson about judging books by their covers!

Over October there were about a hundred scary movies I wanted to watch, which means I had to whittle the list down to a watchable number. Many films were nixed because they simply didn't interest me quite as much as the films that won out. But others were nixed simply because they were difficult to acquire. One of these was The Dinosaur Project, a found footage film. Since I adore both dinosaurs and found footage, I desperately wanted to watch this, but with my lack of net savvy, I simply couldn't find a download file, and it's not available officially in the US.

Little did I know, little did I know... The whole time there was a movie with the same plot, that looks even better than The Dinosaur Project, and it was on Netflix streaming the whole time!

The film is called Area 407 and I've glanced over it on Netflix a million times. It's often recommended to me, but here's the thing... It looks like a generic, SyFy Channel piece of shit, from the name and the cover image. Here's the other thing, it always shows up in my searches when I'm looking for alien movies. Area 407, Area 51, I thought for sure it was some mediocre SyFy or Asylum level piece of unwatchable crap about typical aliens.

I didn't even know Area 407 was a found footage movie, or that it was about dinosaurs!

I stumbled upon this fact this morning. So now I'm very excited about getting to see this movie. I'm not foolhardy enough to assume it will be a masterpiece, but judging by trailers of the two, it looks better than The Dinosaur Project, and it definitely has potential. I'l be watching it tonight, expect a review on my horror blog shortly.

This isn't even the first time a crappy, generic-as-living-fuck title turned me away from a film. I had little to no intention of watching "The House of the Devil" or "The Cabin in the Woods" until I became repeatedly bombarded with the fact that these were considered some of the finest horror films of the last 20 years. Lucky I watched them, because they became two of my favorite films of all-time! In those cases the genericness of the title is also intended, but for different reasons than found footage.

Does this mean I have to watch every two-bit, generic-looking, obviously-awful-looking movie on Netflix? Just in case it's the next [REC] or The House of the Devil?? I guess so.

Unsealed: Alien Files

It's not often that you have television shows which debut new episodes at 2 in the morning. This is a show that's flanked on both ends by infomercials for chrissakes. But the peculiar schedule makes it all the more exotic and alluring. It's totally legit.

One night I fell asleep watching South Park and woke up watching Unsealed: Alien Files. For a moment I thought I had traveled back in time, to the late 90s or the early 00s, back when paranormal shows were creepy as fuck and stylish like the original chupacabra (the gargoyle, glowing eyed beast, not the neutered stray dog "chupacabra" that inhabits North America, what a crock.)

If not for the fact that Unsealed promotes their Twitter account in every episode, I would have actually thought this was an old show being re-aired. It perfectly emulates the tropes of classic paranormal shows like Sightings, Beyond Bizarre, and the broadcast version of Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County. Even the content they discuss is so 1990s... Human cloning, Area 51, Bigfoot conspiracies...

Is it a cheesy, hokey show? YES. It's not factually accurate in the least, it extrapolates completely unbelievable theories which make even Ancient Aliens seem well-researched in comparison. And they re-use the same clips over and over again, each episode. And yet.... IT FUCKIN' WORKS. The sense of the theatrical, the willingness to be bizarre and creepy, the horror movie style, that's what made those old shows great, and Unsealed has it in droves. It's almost like found footage, it's obviously not truly real, but it's a really creepy story to imagine! They have these two stock clips of "the greys" that they use over and over again.... and they're ALWAYS fucking scary, no matter how many times I see them.

Sure, modern shows like Ancient Aliens have preposterous theories with absolutely no evidence behind them, like the classic shows did. But in the 90s we took it a step further than that. Or maybe ten steps. In the 90s people like Bob Lazar contended that Area 51 had something like 7 different alien species working there at the very time, while channels like FOX and UPN aired footage told us and pointe blanke it was of actual, real-life alien autopsies and abductions! And that's the kind of topic Unsealed traffics in.

The problem with all of the paranormal shows these days is, they err on the side us pseudo-science. They pretend to be unbiased and scientific, despite their obvious and enormous flaws, to the detriment of the theatricality and style of the production. Perhaps some people find it creepier when it's packaged with a less ridiculous sheen, but I'm not fooled, I'm not going to buy into it either way. What works for me is something creepy, like a movie, the way it was done in the 90s.

Unsealed is a true old school show. I'm in awe of randomly finding a show like this. It's been so long since I've seen a single one, I didn't think it was possible. I thought it meant I had grown up when alien shows stopped scaring me. Now I realize, it's just because alien shows lost their balls and stopped being scary. The scary ones, well... well they're still scary! O_O

Swift Premonitions

Swift Premonitions

In 2011 I was fortunate enough to see Taylor Swift rock Heinz Field and it was, for a myriad of reasons, one of the most magical nights of my life. Getting to see, for the first time, one of my all-time favorite artists at the undisputable peak of her powers performing a setlist of almost nothing but amazing newly released material was like a religious experience for such a big music geek as me.

This summer of 2013 I am thrilled, humbled, and gracious about the prospect of seeing Taylor's Red Tour. She has another new album out so this will definitely be a spectacular show. And perhaps most of all, I'm curious about what setlist she'll have for this tour.

Similar to my quirk about television programming direction, I have an equally deep abiding love of concert setlist ideology. Setlists have personality, setlists make statements. A setlist of all new material suggests confidence; a setlist of number one hits demonstrates prowess; a setlist of deep cuts implies intimacy. There are nuances between the setlists of different genres, different eras, different moods. It goes without saying that the songs an artist includes is one of the primary factors in whether the audience enjoys the show: riots can literally break out if a star doesn't play their biggest hit. But even the order the songs are played in plays a strong role. Most setlists strike a back and forth between ebbs and flows (alternating between hits and deep cuts, fast songs and ballads) to keep the audience's interest.

When it comes to Taylor's upcoming Red Tour, the setlist for the Speak Now tour gives us a pretty good blueprint. On the 2011 tour she performed 17 songs, 12 of which were from her latest album, Speak Now. The difference is now, she has a whole new album to play, adding 16 new potential tracks to the pool. And judging from last time, she'll try to fit as many of Red's tracks in as she can (which is exactly what I hope!).

Obligatory Hits:
Fifteen
Love Story
You Belong With Me
Back to December
Mine

Of the five old songs she performed in 2011, at least 3 of those are absolutely obligatory. You can count on the three mega-hits from Fearless being represented. However I'm going to guess that the not-as-popular title-track will not be carried over form last tour this time. The other old song she played was Our Song, from her self-titled album. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that because there's so much to fit in this year, Taylor will not perform anything from self-titled on the Red tour. If something does slip through, I hope it's Teardrops on My Guitar. But another iteration of Our Song would be welcome (and possibly the most likely choice).

Then what we have are the newly obligatory songs from Speak Now. I think it's safe to assume that they will condense Speak Now down to its essential hits like they did for Fearless. But it's difficult to say for sure where the cutoff line is. Mine and Back to December are pretty much sure things, but Mean and Ours may or may not be included.

Now we get to Red. Based on my speculation so far we have 5 to 8 tracks on the setlist, leaving approximately 9 to 12 potential Red tracks.

Bankable Red Picks:
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
I Knew You Were Trouble
Begin Again
Everything Has Changed (Ed Sheeran is her opening act)

The whole rest of the album is genuinely possible after that, although 22 would probably be the best contender and I think Red and State of Grace also have a very good shot. Personally speaking I hope we hear All Too Well but I think for a ballad we'd be more likely to get Sad Beautiful Tragic or Treacherous. I'd really like to hear just about anything from the album so my hope is we'll get a solid 12 tracks or darn near it.

Wild Cards: In addition to Red, Taylor's had other recent hits including deluxe edition tracks from Speak Now, some of which have become hits, and soundtrack songs such as those for The Hunger Games like Safe & Sound. Songs like this could always make an appearance  especially the hit Ours (mentioned previously). On the Speak Now Tour, Taylor also frequently covered regionally-relevant tracks based on whatever state she was performing in. This or something similar could be repeated.

As far as the ordering of the setlist, I couldn't venture to guess. But if I were to throw some ideas out there, Red would make a perfect opener. I'd have to suggest a combo Fearless-Speak Now encore so possibly Back to December followed by Love Story. And if I could have one wish, I want the set closer to be either Holy Ground or Starlight, as they make perfect closers with that same sense of immediate wonder as Long Live has from last time.

All I can say is, can't wait!

Chrismix 2012

I've cooked up a new batch of Christmas music each year since I was about 17. Good crop this year. Not a lot of my favorite artists (scooped those songs up years ago), but a lot of high quality material from artists I like, and some who I hadn't even listened to before. There was so much good material. I'll probably make a lower key second mix in a couple of weeks.

1. Christina Perri -- Happy Xmas (War is Over)
2. Zendaya -- Shake Santa Shake
3. The Puppini Sisters -- Winter Wonderland
4. Victoria Justice -- Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree
5. Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson -- Winter Song
6. The Shins -- Wonderful Christmastime
7. Ashley Tisdale -- Last Christmas
8. The Puppini Sisters -- All I Want for Christmas
9. Joni Mitchell -- River
10. Fun. -- Sleigh Ride
11. Carly Rae Jepsen -- Mittens
12. The Puppini Sisters -- Let it Snow
13. The Civial Wars -- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
14. Francesca Battisteli -- Christmas Dreams

Scream TV

The never ending franchise is a staple of horror. Nearly any profitable series is reiterated ad nauseam until even the hardcore fans refuse to shell out the cash for direct-to-video dime store sequels. There are seven Saw films and that series only began 8 years ago! Meanwhile the acclaimed and profitable Scream series, which is twice as old as Saw, has racked up a mere four installments. Perhaps this is for the best, considering quality control issues. For example, legendary director Wes Craven was able to direct all four Scream films, meanwhile he wrote and/or directed a mere two films out of the nine Nightmare on Elm Street installments, a series which he himself invented.

With the release of Scream 4, it momentarily seemed Scream was finally poised to repeat ad infinitum like franchises oft do, with a fifth and sixth film in the works. I would have been delighted to see this come to pass, but unfortunately Scream 4 performed below financial expectations. So while the idea of more Scream sequels is not completely off the table yet, it seems unlikely, and there has been no movement towards that goal thus far.

The latest news on new Scream content (albeit 4 months old), is that MTV is developing a TV series based on Scream.

For many people this may seem a strange fit. But as an obsessive TV nerd with a finger on the pulse of the times, I'd say a Scream series makes a goddamn lot of good sense right about now. Scream is three things: horror, mystery, and snarky satire.

•  Horror television serials (i.e. not anthologies) are in the midst of their most powerful boom of all-time, with the resounding success of The Walking Dead, Dexter, True Blood, American Horror Story, and The Vampire Diaries. 

• Likewise, darkly cool teen mysteries have recently become a big hit, in the form of ABC Family's Pretty Little Liars and Nickelodeon's House of Anubis. 

• Meanwhile, snarky satire has remained one of the driving forces in television since the dawn of the 90s, look no further than Archer, Family Guy, The Office, and 30 Rock to witness its enduring popularity. Mind you, those shows have very little in common with Scream per se', but the recent smash hit The Cabin In The Woods has quite a bit in common with Scream, thus proving that a new horror satire would be very timely and potentially lucrative. 

• Scream is also a series, at its heart, about serial killers, and with the success of Dexter many new serial killer TV shows are in the works, including an NBC show based on Hannibal Lecter, and FOX's The Following (more on that in a minute). 

So clearly this is a pretty great idea they have, to make a Scream TV series. Now all that remains is how they're going to put it together, and whether they'll do it well. I imagine something along the lines of each season having a different static collection of Ghostfaces; probably just two like the films, but maybe three or four since there's more space to work with, certainly no more than that. Having a new killer every episode or every few episodes would be overkill in more ways than one (pun intended). I imagine the mystery unfolded maybe over the length of each season, and then starting relatively fresh next season.

I don't think the original cast should be brought into the series, not that they're likely to sign on anyway. Ghostface is an icon that anyone, anywhere can utilize, that's part of the point. There's no reason every deranged horror-watching revenge-seeker should seek out Sidney Prescott, that was more of a plot device to carry the plot across the film series. It's every bit as plausible for the TV series to feature brand new characters. After all, everyone knows Ghostface from the "Stab" franchise.

The most important thing they absolutely should retain from the original series, is writer/creator Kevin Williamson. The man is every bit as much a TV auteur as he is one of film, with his shows Dawson's Creek and The Vampire Diaries being just as important as his Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer films. So a Scream TV series without Kevin Williamson? That just plain doesn't make logical sense. Another writer might be able to handle the series if we're very lucky, but nothing could insure both the show's genuine legitimacy, and its dependable brilliance, like bringing in Kevin Williamson.

Tragically, Kevin Williamson is more than likely deposed at the moment. In addition to his work on the continuingly-successful Vampire Diaries, he also has created a brand new show on FOX called The Following. Wouldn't you know it, it's a show about a serial killer. Why didn't FOX commission a Scream series instead? We can only wonder, especially considering The Following sounds like an awful police procedural that is doomed to fail almost immediately. The premise for The Following sounds kind of fucking stupid (sorry Kevin W., you know I worship the ground you walk on and consider you one of media's all-time geniuses, but this show just isn't going to work.) It's about serial killers cooperating together under the influence of one mastermind killer, and the cliche' group of FBI agents who are trying to track him down.

Depressingly, FOX has deeper pockets than MTV. So a battle between The Following and a hypothetical "MTV's Scream" would almost certainly end in FOX's favor, regarding Kevin's allegiances. But, if it's all we can get, I'm perfectly happy with accepting a Scream series under a different author. There's always the possibility Kevin could come aboard later in the series' run, if it gets that far.

So, the only link in this puzzle that worries me now is MTV. There are literally a dozen stations I would feel much more comfortable with in creating a Scream TV series.

The CW's proven they can handle horror with the gorgeously gothic and genuinely violent Vampire Diaries, a Kevin Williamson show no less! SyFy Channel may be bad at most things, but their brooding adaption of Being Human at least shows they could make a Scream series that is properly serious. FX seems like the ideal station to air a Scream series by virtue of their penchant for stylish and gorey drama, most notably the brilliant American Horror Story. I drool to imagine the joys that could come from AMC spearheading the series and giving us a Walking Dead-calibur A++ horror masterpiece. And in the era of Dexter, I'm surprised HBO or Showtime wouldn't want to pick up on Scream's venerable legacy and put together an artisan show without having to give up one ounce of the original films' blood or nudity. Even ABC Family has proven they can create a dark, mysterious flavor through the ocassional grim flourish in The Secret Circle and Pretty Little Liars.

But, MTV? Admittedly I've only watched a few episodes of Teen Wolf, but it didn't strike me as capturing the darkness necessary for Scream. It's not a horror show, it's just supernatural, like Charmed or Buffy. I don't have anything remotely against MTV, Awkward is one of the best shows on television. There's no question that MTV can match the hip sarcasm and referential humor which is part and parcel of Scream, but I remain unconvinced that they can create a decent horror series. They're just too glib of a station. And do you know what you get when you subtract the horror from Scream? You get Scream 3, resoundingly the worst of the series. And if it should come to pass that Kevin Williamson isn't in the writer's seat (which is quite likely), add that to MTV's hypothetical inability to create a horrific atmosphere and worse than Scream 3, you're going to be verging on Scary Movie territory. I shudder to imagine.

But there's always the chance that they can impress me and put together something as sadistic and brutal as the original Scream. Who knows, maybe Wes Craven could even be convinced to direct (not likely). I'll remain enthusiastic and hopeful indefinitely

Honestly, I doubt this series will ever reach fruition. But if it does you can damn well bet I will be the figurative 'first in line' to watch it. Even if it does suck, I'd love to see it happen just to see how it pans out and how they try to put it together. It'd be very interesting if nothing else.

iGoodbye: Final Thoughts...

Bravo, Dan. You gave us a good finale. My biggest fear was iCarly's finale would sort of just be like any other episode, but it wasn't. It was sad and beautiful, I of course bawled like a baby. It was very touching and left me broken as a shattered doll. So much so that rather than watching the new Victorious that's currently airing, I had to play sad songs on my ipod and write this post.

It was really amazing to see Miss Briggs and Lewbert back. Would have been cool to see Wendy or Melanie though. 'Course there's still a chance Melanie could show up on Sam & Cat someday. And it was really awesome to finally see Colonel Shay. And all the characters were given a good send-off, Carly, Freddie, Spencer, Sam...

I know I should say something more, something better, to capture the moment. But either you felt it or you didn't. Either this show meant the world to you and now it's gone, or it just didn't. iCarly was a coming of age experience for a lot of us, and we're better people for it. Lord knows how very true that is of me.

Mercifully, we don't need to say goodbye completely. iCarly will live on in two spinoffs. Jerry Trainor has his own show coming up on Nick @ Nite. And Nathan's in an upcomming found footage film. And we'll always have 109 episodes of iCarly to return to.

And the cynics were outraged,

Screaming "This is absurd!"

'Cause for a moment, a band of thieves,

In ripped-up jeans got to rule the world. 

 -- Taylor Swift, Long Live