The unlikely film called Jack & Diane.

Spoiler Notification: This review describes the film in very broad strokes and doesn't betray any specific plot details or conclusions. But in some senses it could be considered to spoil the overall content of the film (e.g. by detailing what percentage of the film is dedicated to one concept, and which percentage to the other). I wouldn't consider it spoilers, but depending on how "fresh" you intend to come into your movie viewing, your perspective my differ. The film is available for free on Netflix and Amazon Prime so you may as well watch it first if you are inclined.


When I heard this movie existed, I immediately had to watch it; although the inconsistent tone was obvious even just from the synopsis blurb. A lesbian romance werewolf film? Where are they going with this?

The cheesy intro scene paints Jack & Diane as a dimestore werewolf b-movie. But 90% of the film seems to ignore the werewolf subplot entirely, and what we have is just a tender and tumultuous romance story about two teenage lesbians not unlike ones you've seen before.

As a romance film it is exceptional, with shades of all the greats like Fucking Amal and My Summer of Love, though it doesn't reach those heights. It's a little on the impressionistic side, which I don't favor, but the romance and storyline are real enough to sustain it. There were moments of genuine poignancy. The characters weren't quite as fleshed out as they could have been, but the important aspects shine through and by the end I found myself believing in both these people, and feeling for their struggle. At its best there were definite tidbits in which the uncomfortable, emphatic, mind-boggling experience of young love is fully invoked, coaxed from the ether.

As a horror film, on the other hand, well if that's all you're watching it for you'll be disappointed, but it's competent enough at sewing horror when it tries to be. Jack & Diane may not have 1/10th the balance of rich horror/romance tones cultivated by critical favorite Let the Right One In, but I found the 'scary' moments in J&D a dozen times more effective than any in LTRO. The imbalance actually serves to make the little shards of horror all the more unexpected and jarring.

And then there's by far the most horrific scene in the film, which has nothing to do with werewolves. This movie takes one peculiar, unforeseeable foray into cinema verite rape, defying all convention and (possibly) good story telling. Admittedly the scene does have genuine plot repercussions, even though it involves neither of our main characters. However, the sheer length of it was definitely unnecessary, and there are dozens of other viable ways the necessary plot function could have been reasonably achieved, so I do find myself questioning the wisdom of creating this scene. Mind you this isn't some graphic I Spit On Your Grave type segment, but the "found footage" Point-of-View makes it rather harrowing all the same. Maybe the film's creators wanted to remind the audience that this is, in fact, a horror movie, even if only 10% of the time.

The rape scene threw me off completely and I did have trouble getting back into the film afterward... but eventually I managed to come back into it with about 89% of the enthusiasm I had before that point. I was especially won over by the hilariously awkward privates-shaving scene, the perfect kind of coming of age fodder to show the unnerving newness of being young and in love.

All in all I found Jack & Diane genuinely shocking and when it took its turns to horror, I sincerely couldn't guess what the outcome would be. Is one of them going to end up dead? Both of them? Is it imaginary/symbolic or real? I'm sure the point of the werewolf was some thinly veiled Ginger Snapsian subtext, but I've yet to quite work out the theme as yet. No doubt repeated viewings will illuminate the mystery.

Overall I was very satisfied with Jack & Diane. Given the uncanny mix of content matter, it could have been an all-time favorite film for me -- with some heavy editing. But as is, it's still one of my favorite romance dramas (number 5 or 6 at the moment) and I can't fault a great film for being (merely) great. The soundtrack was also good. Very hip as well as varied.

I've long felt that horror and romance are destined to combine into some amazing, all-time favorite film for me. I thought that film would be Let the Right One In, until I actually watched Let the Right One In. Jack & Diane isn't quite there either, but we're getting closer. Funny that I've never really cared for werewolves and still don't, but between this and the impeccable Ginger Snaps 2, werewolves are starting to takeover my list of favorite films.

Fun With Aliens

Unsealed has opened me up to all kinds of great documentary content that I had overlooked or forgotten about. Right now I'm watching an episode of Discovery Channel's Curiosity, in which scientists and military strategists try to envision what would really happen if aliens attacked Planet Earth.

Just for fun I was imagining what it'd be like if one morning I wake up as usual, a normal average day. Then I go down stairs, and someone's watching the news, as they often are. And on the news there's a man standing next to a podium, and at the podium itself, there's a grey alien, in flesh and blood. How would I feel, what would I do?

My first thought might be that it's fake. Even the CNN or Fox News banner wouldn't necessarily rule out some sort of spoof, gimmick, or movie clip. After all, in the last 15 years we've seen paranormal-themed cinema verite, found footage and faux-documentaries not just in the movie theater but on learning channels like Animal Planet and The Discovery Channel. Taking the deceit to the 24-hour news networks wouldn't be much of a leap, if they haven't done it already.

So in all seriousness I might at this point be thinking "fucking awesome, the effects on this are GREAT. It looks so real!" But out of due diligence I'm obligated to check other news stations, competing news stations, cable stations, network stations, ABC, CBS, to see if they have the same story.

When I find out that this is broadcast across the board, each network with their own *unique* footage, it becomes clear that this is real. When it becomes clear that this is real, I start screaming uncontrolalbly. Screaming bloody terror and clawing my eyes out. Not screaming for the unbearable implications that an intelligent race that can transverse galaxies will almost certainly eliminate or enslave us as advanced civilizations have always done to simple savages like us, nor screaming for the terrifying fact that if real flesh and blood aliens look just like greys... all those brutal tales of alien abduction are most likely true as well. No, I'd just be screaming because greys are fucking CREEPY.

I've long hoped that during my lifetime we would discover alien life, and make contact with extraterrestrial beings. I don't believe that they've been here, I don't believe in government cover-ups or hidden encounters. But even in the utmost mainstream of science, it's becoming clearer and clearer that life is most likely not a unique occurence. Rare perhaps, or perhaps not. The leading theory is that Mars itself has liquid water and primitive life. If life can strike twice in our mere solar system, most scientists agree that in the grand scheme of the universe, the likelihood of life beyond our own is near-insurmountable.

Intelligence is perhaps a different scenario. We're yet to be clear on quite what has made human beings develop intelligence to begin with. Some scientists speculate that intelligence may not be an evolutionary advantage in the wide scope, compared to a bacteria or fungus which retains no risk of self-inflicted extinction. So could it be that we're the only life? It could. But with the probability that life itself is so prevalent  the likelihood of intelligent life somewhere in the vast universe seems like a good bet, to me.

The fun thing about extraterrestrial life is that, it requires no step-ladder for aliens to reach us. We don't have to go to Mars, go past our solar system, terraform other planets in order for intelligent beings to find *us*. It would make it more likely, no doubt, the more presence we have in the universe. But there's nothing stopping intelligent beings from another world from landing on your doorstep five minutes from now.

Yes, an alien race would almost certainly spell our doom. Thus far the progress of civilization has made us less overtly barbaric but no less cruel or destructive in truth, and it has made us even more brutal to lesser beings. Look at how KFC treats their chickens, this is likely the same regard a galaxy-traversing alien species would have for us.

So yes, it's a disturbing notion. But I care little for that... I just want to see an alien being. I want that worldwide fervor when humanity finally knows something beyond our scope exists. Hopefully the actual invasion force would be millenia from reaching us. It's not implausible that a rogue ship, thrown far off course, could end up on our planet without the technology necessary to get home or communicate with his brethren. Something like Roswell or District 9. That way we get to meet an extraterrestrial being, but with no threat in the near future of being enslaved or destroyed.

Ooh and Falling Skies is free on Amazon Prime. Perfect segway from this doc.

Bunheads: Will It Survive?

This week ABC Family's quaint dramedy Bunheads aired what may well be its series finale, if the show doesn't get renewed for a second season. In case you don't know, Bunheads is the latest brainchild of Amy Sherman Palladino, the spiritual sequel to her breakout hit Gilmore Girls.
Borrowing the small town setting, cutesy mannerisms, fast-paced pop culture dialogue, and several of the actors from Palladino's prior show, the parallels to Gilmore Girls are overwhelmingly inescapable. And yet, Bunheads manages to carve out its own slab of granite.

Before we go further, I have to admit I'm furious at the show for not being gay. There are so many unambiguous hints for each of the girls that they could be gay, for them not to address this by the finale is a downright tragedy. Don't they realize this may well have been their last chance?

If they were planning on making us wait 5 seasons for Melanie and Ginny to date, like they made us wait for Luke and Lorelai, it was quite a miscalculation on their part. Having a couple of gay characters could have been just the injection of relevant vitality needed to lift Bunheads up from its nostalgia-wrought cradle and into this decade. Teenagers, many of whom were probably too young to even care much for Gilmore Girls when it was on, aren't going to tune in for something that feels like it should have aired ten years ago.

And yet, as much as I want to yell and scream and condemn the show for its hubris, I just can't. Because it's such a goddamn good show! I eat up every minute of it, it's fabulous. It's unflinchingly idiosyncratic, with a loose appreciation for plot and absolutely gorgeous dance numbers.

Most surprising it actually presents what seems like a calm, calculated improvement on the Gilmore Girls gameplan: replacing the 'vanilla' predictability of Rory & Lorelai with a much more varied and volatile ensemble. 18 episodes can't wash away 7 glorious seasons of GG, but if Bunheads were to continue and maintain quality, it will easily outshine Gilmore Girls in a couple of years.

Given more seasons, this program could very easily rise up among my all-time favorite TV shows. I'll always resent it if they don't explore the overwhelming homosexual potential in these characters, but even so, I can't argue with results... and Bunheads is just so fantastically entertaining. Amazing characters, hilarious storylines, and a light, airy mood that resonates with easy warmth. It has a bit of magic that is impossible to describe, but easy to experience.

Unfortunately, Bunheads hasn't been doing great in the ratings. If the gods are good, it'll run for another five years. But I hope the Bunheads crew has made their peace, because the gods are rarely good.

VHS Reborn

When I was, oh, ten or eleven years old, DVD first begun gaining prominence. But it was a long way off from total domination, and I still remember how wary I was of the new technology. Sure enough, I eventually became endeared to the format, and for the following 13 years I scarcely touched a VHS tape.

That all changed tonight. I picked up a 3 pack of blank VHs at the corner store (yes, they still have them there. Probably 'cause I live in an old people neighborhood). And I'm in the middle of 2 & 1/2 hours of VHS recording right now.

Two things inspired me to get back in the VHS game, each on opposite ends of the TV specturm: one on the lowest level of local public access, and the other on a unique high-end cable channel (which we just happen to randomly get, conveniently enough).

The first is Unsealed: Alien Files, a show that airs, flanked by infomercials, on the local network that took over years ago when the WB ceased to exist (The CW occupying UPN's slot at #22). It's not just the best and creepeist alien show currently airing, it's the only top-notch paranormal doc show that's been on in half a decade or more. It's beyond obvious a show like this will never be out on DVD or iTunes. And since I missed my chance so many years ago to capture the previous paranormal classics like Beyond Bizarre and Real Scary Stories, for future Halloween viewings I need to have Unsealed in my video repetoire.

The other is Palladia, a video music channel better than MTV or VH1 ever has been, even when they were great in the 1990s. A Viacom network (like VH1 and MTV), it reairs great music content from its sister stations like MTV Unplugged and VH1 Storytellers (often full versions *not* shown on their original networks!), but it also airs literally dozens of concerts you can't legally acquire anywhere else. It plays all the biggest festivals (Bonnaroo, Isle of Wight, Download, etc. etc.) and an almost ironically ideal mix of my two favorite genres, pretty much everything the channel plays is either classic rock or modern pop!

It's a fucking amazing station and I couldn't let it sit idly by any longer. After catching a badass Tom Petty set at some festival or another, and discovering that it isn't and will never, ever be released on DVD, I knew I had to get some tapes and record some of this amazing material. Sure enough, right after Unsealed tonight (conveniently not playing at the same time), Palladia is airing highlights from a festival from 2009 featuring... Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, and TAYLOR SWIFT. What a stroke of luck that I even have this channel.

Long story short, I'll probably have to go out and buy more VHS tapes in a couple of days. Three isn't going to last very long. And if I was so inclined, I could even record the movies from On Demand. The current stock includes such excellent films as Liam Neeson's 1998 non-musical Les Miserables, Mammoth featuring Michelle Williams and written/directed by Lukas Moodysson of Fucking Amal, and the much acclaimed horror-romance Let Me In featuring Chloe Moretz.

Hole. E. Shit: Dinosaur Found Footage

Chalk this one up to poor research.

One downside to the typical found footage tradition of titling films with generic, non-descript names is that, you can't tell what the film is about based on the title. [REC], Home Movie, The Wicksboro Incident, Chronicle, Atrocious, Cloverfield, all of the best found footage films have titles which tell you absolutely nothing about the movie other than perhaps that it is indeed a found footage film. Even "Paranormal Activity" could have just as easily been about aliens or telekinesis or cryptids, and frankly that's what they should have done -- each sequel should have been a stand-alone film about a different paranormal phenomenon. Heck, Oren Peli's unreleased Area 51 movie could have been one of the sequels. But I digress.

I'm not saying it's wrong, I understand why they do the titles like that: giving it a simple, generic title like "Tape 123" or "Filmed" makes it seem more real and less contrived, as if this is just some tape somebody has somewhere rather than a big hollywood movie. It's a strategy that ties in perfectly with the attributes of found footage, I can't begrudge them for it. But this'll teach me a lesson about judging books by their covers!

Over October there were about a hundred scary movies I wanted to watch, which means I had to whittle the list down to a watchable number. Many films were nixed because they simply didn't interest me quite as much as the films that won out. But others were nixed simply because they were difficult to acquire. One of these was The Dinosaur Project, a found footage film. Since I adore both dinosaurs and found footage, I desperately wanted to watch this, but with my lack of net savvy, I simply couldn't find a download file, and it's not available officially in the US.

Little did I know, little did I know... The whole time there was a movie with the same plot, that looks even better than The Dinosaur Project, and it was on Netflix streaming the whole time!

The film is called Area 407 and I've glanced over it on Netflix a million times. It's often recommended to me, but here's the thing... It looks like a generic, SyFy Channel piece of shit, from the name and the cover image. Here's the other thing, it always shows up in my searches when I'm looking for alien movies. Area 407, Area 51, I thought for sure it was some mediocre SyFy or Asylum level piece of unwatchable crap about typical aliens.

I didn't even know Area 407 was a found footage movie, or that it was about dinosaurs!

I stumbled upon this fact this morning. So now I'm very excited about getting to see this movie. I'm not foolhardy enough to assume it will be a masterpiece, but judging by trailers of the two, it looks better than The Dinosaur Project, and it definitely has potential. I'l be watching it tonight, expect a review on my horror blog shortly.

This isn't even the first time a crappy, generic-as-living-fuck title turned me away from a film. I had little to no intention of watching "The House of the Devil" or "The Cabin in the Woods" until I became repeatedly bombarded with the fact that these were considered some of the finest horror films of the last 20 years. Lucky I watched them, because they became two of my favorite films of all-time! In those cases the genericness of the title is also intended, but for different reasons than found footage.

Does this mean I have to watch every two-bit, generic-looking, obviously-awful-looking movie on Netflix? Just in case it's the next [REC] or The House of the Devil?? I guess so.

Unsealed: Alien Files

It's not often that you have television shows which debut new episodes at 2 in the morning. This is a show that's flanked on both ends by infomercials for chrissakes. But the peculiar schedule makes it all the more exotic and alluring. It's totally legit.

One night I fell asleep watching South Park and woke up watching Unsealed: Alien Files. For a moment I thought I had traveled back in time, to the late 90s or the early 00s, back when paranormal shows were creepy as fuck and stylish like the original chupacabra (the gargoyle, glowing eyed beast, not the neutered stray dog "chupacabra" that inhabits North America, what a crock.)

If not for the fact that Unsealed promotes their Twitter account in every episode, I would have actually thought this was an old show being re-aired. It perfectly emulates the tropes of classic paranormal shows like Sightings, Beyond Bizarre, and the broadcast version of Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County. Even the content they discuss is so 1990s... Human cloning, Area 51, Bigfoot conspiracies...

Is it a cheesy, hokey show? YES. It's not factually accurate in the least, it extrapolates completely unbelievable theories which make even Ancient Aliens seem well-researched in comparison. And they re-use the same clips over and over again, each episode. And yet.... IT FUCKIN' WORKS. The sense of the theatrical, the willingness to be bizarre and creepy, the horror movie style, that's what made those old shows great, and Unsealed has it in droves. It's almost like found footage, it's obviously not truly real, but it's a really creepy story to imagine! They have these two stock clips of "the greys" that they use over and over again.... and they're ALWAYS fucking scary, no matter how many times I see them.

Sure, modern shows like Ancient Aliens have preposterous theories with absolutely no evidence behind them, like the classic shows did. But in the 90s we took it a step further than that. Or maybe ten steps. In the 90s people like Bob Lazar contended that Area 51 had something like 7 different alien species working there at the very time, while channels like FOX and UPN aired footage told us and pointe blanke it was of actual, real-life alien autopsies and abductions! And that's the kind of topic Unsealed traffics in.

The problem with all of the paranormal shows these days is, they err on the side us pseudo-science. They pretend to be unbiased and scientific, despite their obvious and enormous flaws, to the detriment of the theatricality and style of the production. Perhaps some people find it creepier when it's packaged with a less ridiculous sheen, but I'm not fooled, I'm not going to buy into it either way. What works for me is something creepy, like a movie, the way it was done in the 90s.

Unsealed is a true old school show. I'm in awe of randomly finding a show like this. It's been so long since I've seen a single one, I didn't think it was possible. I thought it meant I had grown up when alien shows stopped scaring me. Now I realize, it's just because alien shows lost their balls and stopped being scary. The scary ones, well... well they're still scary! O_O

Swift Premonitions

Swift Premonitions

In 2011 I was fortunate enough to see Taylor Swift rock Heinz Field and it was, for a myriad of reasons, one of the most magical nights of my life. Getting to see, for the first time, one of my all-time favorite artists at the undisputable peak of her powers performing a setlist of almost nothing but amazing newly released material was like a religious experience for such a big music geek as me.

This summer of 2013 I am thrilled, humbled, and gracious about the prospect of seeing Taylor's Red Tour. She has another new album out so this will definitely be a spectacular show. And perhaps most of all, I'm curious about what setlist she'll have for this tour.

Similar to my quirk about television programming direction, I have an equally deep abiding love of concert setlist ideology. Setlists have personality, setlists make statements. A setlist of all new material suggests confidence; a setlist of number one hits demonstrates prowess; a setlist of deep cuts implies intimacy. There are nuances between the setlists of different genres, different eras, different moods. It goes without saying that the songs an artist includes is one of the primary factors in whether the audience enjoys the show: riots can literally break out if a star doesn't play their biggest hit. But even the order the songs are played in plays a strong role. Most setlists strike a back and forth between ebbs and flows (alternating between hits and deep cuts, fast songs and ballads) to keep the audience's interest.

When it comes to Taylor's upcoming Red Tour, the setlist for the Speak Now tour gives us a pretty good blueprint. On the 2011 tour she performed 17 songs, 12 of which were from her latest album, Speak Now. The difference is now, she has a whole new album to play, adding 16 new potential tracks to the pool. And judging from last time, she'll try to fit as many of Red's tracks in as she can (which is exactly what I hope!).

Obligatory Hits:
Fifteen
Love Story
You Belong With Me
Back to December
Mine

Of the five old songs she performed in 2011, at least 3 of those are absolutely obligatory. You can count on the three mega-hits from Fearless being represented. However I'm going to guess that the not-as-popular title-track will not be carried over form last tour this time. The other old song she played was Our Song, from her self-titled album. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that because there's so much to fit in this year, Taylor will not perform anything from self-titled on the Red tour. If something does slip through, I hope it's Teardrops on My Guitar. But another iteration of Our Song would be welcome (and possibly the most likely choice).

Then what we have are the newly obligatory songs from Speak Now. I think it's safe to assume that they will condense Speak Now down to its essential hits like they did for Fearless. But it's difficult to say for sure where the cutoff line is. Mine and Back to December are pretty much sure things, but Mean and Ours may or may not be included.

Now we get to Red. Based on my speculation so far we have 5 to 8 tracks on the setlist, leaving approximately 9 to 12 potential Red tracks.

Bankable Red Picks:
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
I Knew You Were Trouble
Begin Again
Everything Has Changed (Ed Sheeran is her opening act)

The whole rest of the album is genuinely possible after that, although 22 would probably be the best contender and I think Red and State of Grace also have a very good shot. Personally speaking I hope we hear All Too Well but I think for a ballad we'd be more likely to get Sad Beautiful Tragic or Treacherous. I'd really like to hear just about anything from the album so my hope is we'll get a solid 12 tracks or darn near it.

Wild Cards: In addition to Red, Taylor's had other recent hits including deluxe edition tracks from Speak Now, some of which have become hits, and soundtrack songs such as those for The Hunger Games like Safe & Sound. Songs like this could always make an appearance  especially the hit Ours (mentioned previously). On the Speak Now Tour, Taylor also frequently covered regionally-relevant tracks based on whatever state she was performing in. This or something similar could be repeated.

As far as the ordering of the setlist, I couldn't venture to guess. But if I were to throw some ideas out there, Red would make a perfect opener. I'd have to suggest a combo Fearless-Speak Now encore so possibly Back to December followed by Love Story. And if I could have one wish, I want the set closer to be either Holy Ground or Starlight, as they make perfect closers with that same sense of immediate wonder as Long Live has from last time.

All I can say is, can't wait!