The unlikely film called Jack & Diane.

Spoiler Notification: This review describes the film in very broad strokes and doesn't betray any specific plot details or conclusions. But in some senses it could be considered to spoil the overall content of the film (e.g. by detailing what percentage of the film is dedicated to one concept, and which percentage to the other). I wouldn't consider it spoilers, but depending on how "fresh" you intend to come into your movie viewing, your perspective my differ. The film is available for free on Netflix and Amazon Prime so you may as well watch it first if you are inclined.


When I heard this movie existed, I immediately had to watch it; although the inconsistent tone was obvious even just from the synopsis blurb. A lesbian romance werewolf film? Where are they going with this?

The cheesy intro scene paints Jack & Diane as a dimestore werewolf b-movie. But 90% of the film seems to ignore the werewolf subplot entirely, and what we have is just a tender and tumultuous romance story about two teenage lesbians not unlike ones you've seen before.

As a romance film it is exceptional, with shades of all the greats like Fucking Amal and My Summer of Love, though it doesn't reach those heights. It's a little on the impressionistic side, which I don't favor, but the romance and storyline are real enough to sustain it. There were moments of genuine poignancy. The characters weren't quite as fleshed out as they could have been, but the important aspects shine through and by the end I found myself believing in both these people, and feeling for their struggle. At its best there were definite tidbits in which the uncomfortable, emphatic, mind-boggling experience of young love is fully invoked, coaxed from the ether.

As a horror film, on the other hand, well if that's all you're watching it for you'll be disappointed, but it's competent enough at sewing horror when it tries to be. Jack & Diane may not have 1/10th the balance of rich horror/romance tones cultivated by critical favorite Let the Right One In, but I found the 'scary' moments in J&D a dozen times more effective than any in LTRO. The imbalance actually serves to make the little shards of horror all the more unexpected and jarring.

And then there's by far the most horrific scene in the film, which has nothing to do with werewolves. This movie takes one peculiar, unforeseeable foray into cinema verite rape, defying all convention and (possibly) good story telling. Admittedly the scene does have genuine plot repercussions, even though it involves neither of our main characters. However, the sheer length of it was definitely unnecessary, and there are dozens of other viable ways the necessary plot function could have been reasonably achieved, so I do find myself questioning the wisdom of creating this scene. Mind you this isn't some graphic I Spit On Your Grave type segment, but the "found footage" Point-of-View makes it rather harrowing all the same. Maybe the film's creators wanted to remind the audience that this is, in fact, a horror movie, even if only 10% of the time.

The rape scene threw me off completely and I did have trouble getting back into the film afterward... but eventually I managed to come back into it with about 89% of the enthusiasm I had before that point. I was especially won over by the hilariously awkward privates-shaving scene, the perfect kind of coming of age fodder to show the unnerving newness of being young and in love.

All in all I found Jack & Diane genuinely shocking and when it took its turns to horror, I sincerely couldn't guess what the outcome would be. Is one of them going to end up dead? Both of them? Is it imaginary/symbolic or real? I'm sure the point of the werewolf was some thinly veiled Ginger Snapsian subtext, but I've yet to quite work out the theme as yet. No doubt repeated viewings will illuminate the mystery.

Overall I was very satisfied with Jack & Diane. Given the uncanny mix of content matter, it could have been an all-time favorite film for me -- with some heavy editing. But as is, it's still one of my favorite romance dramas (number 5 or 6 at the moment) and I can't fault a great film for being (merely) great. The soundtrack was also good. Very hip as well as varied.

I've long felt that horror and romance are destined to combine into some amazing, all-time favorite film for me. I thought that film would be Let the Right One In, until I actually watched Let the Right One In. Jack & Diane isn't quite there either, but we're getting closer. Funny that I've never really cared for werewolves and still don't, but between this and the impeccable Ginger Snaps 2, werewolves are starting to takeover my list of favorite films.

Fun With Aliens

Unsealed has opened me up to all kinds of great documentary content that I had overlooked or forgotten about. Right now I'm watching an episode of Discovery Channel's Curiosity, in which scientists and military strategists try to envision what would really happen if aliens attacked Planet Earth.

Just for fun I was imagining what it'd be like if one morning I wake up as usual, a normal average day. Then I go down stairs, and someone's watching the news, as they often are. And on the news there's a man standing next to a podium, and at the podium itself, there's a grey alien, in flesh and blood. How would I feel, what would I do?

My first thought might be that it's fake. Even the CNN or Fox News banner wouldn't necessarily rule out some sort of spoof, gimmick, or movie clip. After all, in the last 15 years we've seen paranormal-themed cinema verite, found footage and faux-documentaries not just in the movie theater but on learning channels like Animal Planet and The Discovery Channel. Taking the deceit to the 24-hour news networks wouldn't be much of a leap, if they haven't done it already.

So in all seriousness I might at this point be thinking "fucking awesome, the effects on this are GREAT. It looks so real!" But out of due diligence I'm obligated to check other news stations, competing news stations, cable stations, network stations, ABC, CBS, to see if they have the same story.

When I find out that this is broadcast across the board, each network with their own *unique* footage, it becomes clear that this is real. When it becomes clear that this is real, I start screaming uncontrolalbly. Screaming bloody terror and clawing my eyes out. Not screaming for the unbearable implications that an intelligent race that can transverse galaxies will almost certainly eliminate or enslave us as advanced civilizations have always done to simple savages like us, nor screaming for the terrifying fact that if real flesh and blood aliens look just like greys... all those brutal tales of alien abduction are most likely true as well. No, I'd just be screaming because greys are fucking CREEPY.

I've long hoped that during my lifetime we would discover alien life, and make contact with extraterrestrial beings. I don't believe that they've been here, I don't believe in government cover-ups or hidden encounters. But even in the utmost mainstream of science, it's becoming clearer and clearer that life is most likely not a unique occurence. Rare perhaps, or perhaps not. The leading theory is that Mars itself has liquid water and primitive life. If life can strike twice in our mere solar system, most scientists agree that in the grand scheme of the universe, the likelihood of life beyond our own is near-insurmountable.

Intelligence is perhaps a different scenario. We're yet to be clear on quite what has made human beings develop intelligence to begin with. Some scientists speculate that intelligence may not be an evolutionary advantage in the wide scope, compared to a bacteria or fungus which retains no risk of self-inflicted extinction. So could it be that we're the only life? It could. But with the probability that life itself is so prevalent  the likelihood of intelligent life somewhere in the vast universe seems like a good bet, to me.

The fun thing about extraterrestrial life is that, it requires no step-ladder for aliens to reach us. We don't have to go to Mars, go past our solar system, terraform other planets in order for intelligent beings to find *us*. It would make it more likely, no doubt, the more presence we have in the universe. But there's nothing stopping intelligent beings from another world from landing on your doorstep five minutes from now.

Yes, an alien race would almost certainly spell our doom. Thus far the progress of civilization has made us less overtly barbaric but no less cruel or destructive in truth, and it has made us even more brutal to lesser beings. Look at how KFC treats their chickens, this is likely the same regard a galaxy-traversing alien species would have for us.

So yes, it's a disturbing notion. But I care little for that... I just want to see an alien being. I want that worldwide fervor when humanity finally knows something beyond our scope exists. Hopefully the actual invasion force would be millenia from reaching us. It's not implausible that a rogue ship, thrown far off course, could end up on our planet without the technology necessary to get home or communicate with his brethren. Something like Roswell or District 9. That way we get to meet an extraterrestrial being, but with no threat in the near future of being enslaved or destroyed.

Ooh and Falling Skies is free on Amazon Prime. Perfect segway from this doc.

Bunheads: Will It Survive?

This week ABC Family's quaint dramedy Bunheads aired what may well be its series finale, if the show doesn't get renewed for a second season. In case you don't know, Bunheads is the latest brainchild of Amy Sherman Palladino, the spiritual sequel to her breakout hit Gilmore Girls.
Borrowing the small town setting, cutesy mannerisms, fast-paced pop culture dialogue, and several of the actors from Palladino's prior show, the parallels to Gilmore Girls are overwhelmingly inescapable. And yet, Bunheads manages to carve out its own slab of granite.

Before we go further, I have to admit I'm furious at the show for not being gay. There are so many unambiguous hints for each of the girls that they could be gay, for them not to address this by the finale is a downright tragedy. Don't they realize this may well have been their last chance?

If they were planning on making us wait 5 seasons for Melanie and Ginny to date, like they made us wait for Luke and Lorelai, it was quite a miscalculation on their part. Having a couple of gay characters could have been just the injection of relevant vitality needed to lift Bunheads up from its nostalgia-wrought cradle and into this decade. Teenagers, many of whom were probably too young to even care much for Gilmore Girls when it was on, aren't going to tune in for something that feels like it should have aired ten years ago.

And yet, as much as I want to yell and scream and condemn the show for its hubris, I just can't. Because it's such a goddamn good show! I eat up every minute of it, it's fabulous. It's unflinchingly idiosyncratic, with a loose appreciation for plot and absolutely gorgeous dance numbers.

Most surprising it actually presents what seems like a calm, calculated improvement on the Gilmore Girls gameplan: replacing the 'vanilla' predictability of Rory & Lorelai with a much more varied and volatile ensemble. 18 episodes can't wash away 7 glorious seasons of GG, but if Bunheads were to continue and maintain quality, it will easily outshine Gilmore Girls in a couple of years.

Given more seasons, this program could very easily rise up among my all-time favorite TV shows. I'll always resent it if they don't explore the overwhelming homosexual potential in these characters, but even so, I can't argue with results... and Bunheads is just so fantastically entertaining. Amazing characters, hilarious storylines, and a light, airy mood that resonates with easy warmth. It has a bit of magic that is impossible to describe, but easy to experience.

Unfortunately, Bunheads hasn't been doing great in the ratings. If the gods are good, it'll run for another five years. But I hope the Bunheads crew has made their peace, because the gods are rarely good.