Ultimate Entourage

Let's say you woke up this morning to discover that you are, in the world, the single richest, most powerful, most influential, universally respected, most liked and most persuasive human alive. It occurs to you that you have the means to absorb anyone who is currently living into your 'entourage,' your 'inner-circle,' the group which you travel in. Who do you pick?

This is perhaps the most egotistical fantasy I've ever come up with (and that's saying something), but here is my "ULTIMATE ENTOURAGE"

Miranda Cosgrove...



...Would be my girlfriend, of course. We would constitute the "core" of the group, and take the form of the classic 'power-couple' archetype, becoming helll-bent on meshing our incredible powers to craft works of excruciating genius.

Tenzin Gyatso...



...Would be the group's spiritual leader, of course. He would be the guy giving cryptic zen comments while other people are attempting in vain to be concrete. He'd also be the group's moral compass, trying to guide us to greener pastues when we're teetering towards the side of darkness, like Carly in the iCarly gang or Katara in the ATLA group.

Varg Vikernes...



and Immortal Technique...



...Would be the stand-offish odd couple of the group, much like Sam & Freddie in iCarly. They'd blather on arguing with each other about inane shit nobody else gives a damn about. And while they would ostensibly appear to despise each other, in truth they appreciate the sparring, and eventually become good friends. Their common-ground would manifest itself in their mutual role as 'troublemaker(s)' of the group.

Jennette McCurdy...



...Would be the fun-loving, level-headed 'neutral' member of our group; the self-actualized and together individual who doesn't cause any problems and who everyone likes. Her chief social function would be diffusing disputes, but her primary output would be being awesome.

Neil Young...



...Would be the stoic of the group. Like The Chief in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest... or maybe more like Nobody in Dead Man. He wouldn't say much, just go around and observe. But when the time comes he knows what to do. He'd acquire almost a Daria-esque role of diffusing foolery, by injecting well-placed and unforeseen bits of expertly crafted sarcasm into a situation just where necessary.

Paramore Grows Up -- Review of 'Brand New Eyes'

Brand New Eyes (2009)
Paramore expands their sound, but is it at the expense of... their sound?

It is sometimes said that when a band gets signed, they pretty much have enough material for two albums already. So the distinction between a good band and a great band can fall on whether they're able to outdo themselves when they're faced with the foreign territory of that third record, having to write from scratch again. If that is indeed the case, Paramore is a great band.

As it happens, I bought Brand New Eyes right at the same time that I found out Josh Farro (the band's guitarist who writes the instrumentations) and his brother Zac (the band's incredible drummer) had quit the band due to interpersonal difficulties. Listening to the album, I'm surprised it hadn't happened sooner! Hayley apparently utilizes nearly every track on the record to viciously and succinctly tear Josh (her former boyfriend) to tiny little pieces (perhaps with good reason, I don't know). And it's thrice as vindictive as Fleetwood Mac's well known pop kiss-off via the Rumors LP, because here Hayley is the only one who gets to have her say, while Josh has to just sit back and play.

I never thought Brand New Eyes would be able to match the incredible Riot! album. But all in all I would say they're about neck and neck. Riot! possesses the best hooks, while Brand New Eyes presents much more articulate and mature lyrics. They each present a solid selection of good songs and a handful of ultimate standouts for the band.

Primarily what Brand New Eyes does is update Paramore's classic power-pop style with a slightly slicker and more mature aesthetic. The ultimate hookage of 'Ignorance' and 'Brick By Boring Brick' would have felt right at home on Riot!, while the more chugging pulse of 'Careful' and the ecstatic balladry of 'All I Wanted' could have sat alongside tracks on Paramore's debut All We Know Is Falling. That being said, Brand New Eyes easily scorches past Paramore's debut and sits next to Riot! as one of their greatest efforts.

The hooks are slightly more subdued but still packing heat. The lyrics are both thoughtful and uplifting, as Hayley effortlessly trounces the spiritual assaults she receives and vindicates herself with forceful abandon. Perhaps the most interesting track (although the hookiest is definitely 'Ignorance'), is the bombastic, catchy, and bittersweet 'Brick By Boring Brick,' where Hayley invites the protagonist to dismantle her fantasy world piece by piece. The song also lends the album its cover-art, as the protagonist's coming-of-age disillusionment manifests itself in the act of "tearing wings off of butterflies."

I originally put off getting Brand New Eyes for a while, because the track 'The Only Exception,' which is Paramore's most successful single, is also the single worst track the band has ever committed to record. When I first heard it, I was certain that Hayley must have released a solo album. Because other than her distinctive voice, the song sounds nothing like Paramore.

The lyrics are decent but the song is doomed to banality by a molasses pace, uninspired instrumentation and perhaps the most boring chorus known to mankind. Furthermore the premise falls thin as Hayley sings of "vow[ing] to never sing of love" while 90% of her recorded discography does exclusively that. If I heard it done by GG Allin, Pink Floyd, Alice In Chains, or any band that doesn't predominantly write love songs, then I may have been impressed.

But luckily the rest of the record shines bright enough to easily obscure its one faulty moment. And the band's other forays into foreign territory fare much better, namely the tender and folky 'Misguided Ghosts' which possesses an almost Petty-esque sense of world-weariness, and a CSNY-worthy command of folk guitar. All in all: With more than one truly great album, Paramore may be on their way into my personal pantheon.

iMet Jennette

I knew it was gonna be a good trip once we got in the car and heard Trampled Underfoot (by Led Zeppelin) and better yet, One of These Days (by Pink Floyd).

Ended up buying a print (luckily, since otherwise I'd have had to make due with a DVD case for the signing), and then got in line. Stood in line for 3 very well-spent hours. Then I met Jennette!

She signed my print and we took a picture (arms over each other's shoulders like buds!) Our exchange was brief. I felt as flustered as a trout on the sand and could barely make my mind work. She complimented me on my Penny Tee. I asked her when her album was coming out. She told me it'll come out in Summer but that she has a new single coming out next month.

She thanked me for all the support, and I know she probably says that to every single person at the autograph signing. But I don't know... I sorta felt like she meant it. 'Cause she obviously doesn't want to be a kids' star forever, so somebody my age coming up and asking about her music... Who knows how many little kids will follow Jennette to wherever she goes next -- kids can be fickle, they might get caught up in the next craze and forget all about iCarly. But us older folk're more likely to be in it for the long haul, ya know?

Anyway it was so great. She was so great. Would recommend it. Would do it again. Here's what I've got.

iHost a Mini-Marathon

This weekend I'm meeting Jennette McCurdy! And perhaps to the detriment of my claim that not every weekend is an iCarly weekend for me, I've decided to give myself a little mini iCarly marathon in celebration, composed of some of my favorite episodes and some I haven't watched in a while, including several of the most Sam-tastic, Jennetterific episodes of all-time!

Here's the itinerary:

iHurt Lewbert
iGo to Japan
iDream of Dance
iWant to Date Freddie
iHate Sam's Boyfriend
iWin a Date
iTake on Dingo
iReunite With Missy
iTwins

Also I intend to record a cover of Jennette's first single Not That Far Away. Now all I have to worry about is (A) what the heck am I going to ask Jennette to sign? If they don't have pictures available on-site, I'll have to ask her to sign a DVD case. Her EP isn't available in physical form. And (B) how can I prove I'm a real fan? I wanted to wear this Star Wars hat I used to have ('cause Jennette is a huge Star Wars fan) but it was waaaaaay too small for me and I threw it out like a month ago. I'd be pissed with myself if it wasn't literally too small to wear anyway...

Fave iCarly Episodes

iCarly is a pretty excellent show... it's a lot like one of my favorite bands, in that even the episodes which aren't among my top selections usually have some of my all-time favorite bits or moments which might actually rank above the stuff that is in my favorite episodes. With bands it would be lesser albums with incredible songs. To me the "best" are the ones that are consistent.

But anyway... here are my favorite episodes from the first 50 or so episodes of iCarly (because those are the ones I have on DVD). I took the liberty of categorizing them by greatest strength.

Cammiest
---
- iDon't Want to Fight
- iReunite with Missy
- iPilot

Most intense/emotional
---
- iWanna Stay with Spencer
- iThink They Kissed
- iHatch Chicks
- iKiss
- iChristmas

Funniest
---
- iTake on Dingo
- iGo Nuclear
- iPromote Tech-Foots

Special mentions
---
- iDream of Dance because I wouldn't expect to dig this style of episode but it ended up being really cool and fun. I'd like to see more unique things like this.

- iPie because it was the first episode I saw and the first one I watched on DVD, nostalgia.

- iTwins because Melanie's adorable even though I'm a Samfan.

If I had to pick just one favorite, I'd probably go with iTake on Dingo because it's just too funny.

4 Perfect Concerts (2011)

To pass the time a work today I decided to craft the ultimate, most perfect potential concerts that 2011 could contrive. Not that any of 'em will happen...

Roger Waters performs 'the Final Cut'

Ideal venue: State Theatre in State College, Pennsylvania

-- I've had a handful of albums that I've considered my favorite, many of them simultaneously. But only one of them has really held it's spot without wavering. There's something special about The Final Cut, and it deserves to be reproduced in concert at least once. Not the extravagant affair of The Wall tour, but something tasteful and subdued. Perhaps even just one performance, with a very high ticket price, just for the diehards like myself. The State Theatre is an intimate little venue where I saw The Machine play, as well as many movies (including Into the Wild). I wouldn't even mind if there was no encore at all for this gig, while the lack of an encore really turned me off about The Wall shows (not that I witnessed it personally).

Miranda Cosgrove with Jennette McCurdy opening

Ideal venue: The Carnegie Library of Homestead

-- As much of a synergistic no-brainer as this may seem, I highly doubt this could ever happen. Partly due to the fact that they play very different styles of music, and perhaps more importantly due to the ire it would likely cause among fans who feel Jennette should be headlining. Most unfortunate of all, it may even be cause for dispute between Miranda and Jennette themselves, who (quite tragically) may not be the best of friends.

But here at Zenlike Immaturity, we like to dream big, and few things could please me more than seeing both of these powerhouse artists on the same bill. I'm certain seeing Jennette's wonderful songs performed live would be a sight to behold, given her proven singing chops (I actually like her live singing MORE than on the record), and the potential for her more organic/instrumentally-styled music to flesh itself out (i.e. fingers crossed for extended guitar solos). And Miranda's live performance appears to be an epiphany of its own. I mean, I listen to her music all the damn time, it's some of my favorite music ever... but when I actually see her up there, belting out BAM or Disgusting live (on Youtube), it's like a slap to the face. She really IS this consequential creature, this artist commanding presence and power. Or... in the modern dialect.... I like her swag. I haven't even been to the Homestead Library yet, but it seems it'll be just about the smallest venue I've ever seen a mainstream show at, and I want to be as close up as possible for this gig.

Mudcrutch with Paramore opening

Ideal venue: First Niagra Pavillion

-- I believe steadfastly that Tom Petty is as good now as he ever has been. The only problem is, he's holding himself back. Tom vehemently refuses to allow The Heartbreakers a chance at showing the true glory of their catalog, but he once embarked on a small club tour with Mudcrutch that included none of the regular fair. What the world needs now is for Petty to reconvene Mudcrutch and give them the keys to his vast collection. To hear them gear up their double lead guitar attack and tear through such electric jams as 'Good Enough,' such staggering deep cuts as 'Supernatural Radio,' and such neglected hits as 'Anything That's Rock N Roll,' it would be beyond spectacular.

And for a Tom Petty opener, no band could be more adept than Paramore. There are no two bands in my personal pantheon that make for closer kin than they (though just as close, perhaps). They both throw uplifting love-based hooks at you with as much fury as an electric guitar can muster. As for the venue, something about Petty and First Niagra (PGP, Starlake) just fits with Petty. Plus, in all honesty, I can't imagine seeing Paramore anywhere other than an open air arena. Dunno why.

Neil Young & Crazy Horse with Taylor Swift opening

Ideal venue: Mr. Small's

-- Might seem like an odd combo at first, but keep in mind that when I saw Neil Young & Crazy Horse, Lucinda Williams was the opener. I'm not sure I could think of a single concert more satisfying than the coupling of Taylor's stark pop and the lucid rock of Crazy Horse. She has her share of rockier numbers, particularly on her latest effort, and I'd like to think a slot opening for Neil & The Horse would bring out the best in her. Unfortunately, probably the only barrier to a show like this actually happening is the fact that Taylor's ultra-stardom would prevent her from taking such a slot.

Taylor's gotta open with 'Better Than Revenge' and powerhouse through a hodgepodge of her new tracks plus 3 or 4 of her biggest hits from her first 2 albums. Neil's set could go any number of ways and still leave me more than half believing I hallucinated the whole thing because it's just too good to be true. My classic Crazy Horse set would be the ultimate 90s show, featuring tracks from Sleeps With Angels, Broken Arrow, and Mirror Ball, bookended by classic cuts from Ragged Glory. My most recent dream set for Neil & The Horse is more of an eclectic affair, with no two tracks coming from any one album. I would also flip it if he just came out and played Landing on Water. As for the venue, Mr. Small's can be cramped (there's no seats, for one thing), but whenever I imagine Neil, it's always there. Just the way the energy bounces off the walls... I feel like it'd be the best place for them.

iCarly Weekend

Over the course of the last week, I've acquired a plethora of spiffy new iCarly merchandise. I figured I'd have it well-played-with by now. But a vicious illness overtook me, and so I haven't beeIt'n able to properly utilize any of it thus far. And now here I am with two straight days off of work.

So I'm declaring it iCarly Weekend. I'll marathon episodes, and play (the) game, and think about iCarly, and write about iCarly, and then I'll marathon more episodes. Now, some of you out there might be saying... "But isn't EVERY weekend an iCarly Weekend for you?" Certainly that is true... but not quite to the extent you may expect. You see, iCarly is one of those TV shows. One of those shows that's on half of all the time. It's on almost as much as Family Guy and has one-third as many episodes. So up until this point I've allowed myself to enjoy the chase a bit; watch it when its on.

But iCarly primarly is on in the evening, and in the afternoon... And I'm invariably up in the early morning, when there's less than nothing but jackspit to watch. Eventually I got tired of saying "Damn, why can't iCarly be on now?" I got all 4 of the currently available half-season DVD sets, giving me the first 2 seasons (the first 52 episodes). I just hope season 3 and 4 come out in this format.

You know, sometimes I wonder if iCarly is popular in Japan. It's probably not... because over there being wacky and preposterous isn't nearly as novel. But I wish it was, because I bet they would come out with incredible merchandise, like those Rei & Asuka models with the absurdly high production values -- hundreds of dollars and chiz. I would totally get a SLEW of iCarly models if they had high production values, especially if they were direct episode reproductions.

I'd wanna get a Carly "Cookie Mischief" model, a Sam "My Cheese My Rules" model, Sam in her school uniform from iHave My Principals (not a Japan kind of school uniform... it's just a really slick looking, greyish outfit), heck Carly in the school uniform too, both or either of them in their Santa hats from iChristmas, T-Bo with his food stick (I'm thinking pickles, or donuts), a Melanie & Freddie set, maybe even an iSaved Your Life set or iKiss set... and that's just off the top of my head.

What makes me thnk of it is because the iCarly dolls we have aren't very good. I'm an action figure fiend from way back... I would love to get my hands on some iCarly action figures, even though they'd almost invariably end up in a wild brawl (seeing as how that's basically the only scenario I know how to architect with action figures.) But the dolls that we have available don't look anything like the characters, and the accessories are no good either. How about a Sam doll which you can switch clothes on and it becomes Melanie? How about Freddie, does a doll of him even exist? I won't even ask about Gibby or T-Bo.

Carlotta Shay

Up until quite recently, I never really dissected anybody's character on iCarly. Well, maybe Sam, 'cause she was my favorite. And because her personality is transparent... the half that I was familiar with, anyway. But once I cued into the iCarly fan community, I found out there were all these layers I was completely ignoring... I mean, I was taking it completely at face value... Well, now I'm paying closer attention.

First thing I realized was that my original impression of who Carly Shay is, was mostly based on her webshow persona. Turns out she's a pretty decent actress when she's on iCarly... not Miranda, Carly! On the webshow, Carly seems like a fun and bubbly person. And that's not how she acts in her daily life. Mind you... I wouldn't say she's being deceptive or anything. It's just a different side of her that she gets to invoke under those particular circumstances. We can all relate to that if we try, I'm sure.

When she's not in front of the camera, she's actually a pretty reserved person. Not a bad person, just reserved. It's probably a natural reaction to the unbridled wackiness of her brother who is also her guardian. A classic case of the ward having to keep things in order for the free-spirited parent figure (like Rory & Lorelai in Gilmore Girls). In fact, most of the time Carly is playing the 'straight man' (or "comic foil") for her friend Sam, and that's where she has most of her endearing moments. Contrary to her bubbly web-persona, she spends a good portion of her time yelling and screaming in a vain attempt to keep the peace, or scowling at someone (usually Sam)'s irreverence towards common decency (like spitting soda all over the counter, for example).

On the deeper level, I see two sides to Carly Shay's... shall we say soul? Personality? Whatever word you like. On the one side she seems to be a bit overloved, a mildly spoiled young girl. Prissy is the word she uses to describe it, herself (well, after Sam said the same). I think this side of her comes out most in regards to her friend Freddie, who has had a crush on her since they first met. Now, not wanting to go out with Freddie is perfectly understandable and not remotely spoiled or in-the-wrong. But Carly reveals herself when she gets jealous. Contrary to Creddie dogma, I do not believe that Carly Shay has any romantic feelings for Freddie. She's had a million and one chances to be with Freddie if that's what she wants. And if she has no romantic feelings for him, the fact that she gets mad at Freddie when he displays attraction towards others... Well, it seems like she wants to keep him on a little leash, by her side so that she can be loved, but with absolutely no intention of ever reciprocating that love. Of course, who can blame her for wanting to be loved? It's a natural and important thing. But it's still not very nice of her to lead Freddie on like that.

The other side I see of Carly's personality is the other result of her having been a bit overloved, she's a kind and loving person. Sam's the opposite, having grown up unloved has carved her into a strong-willed and rugged person, with unabridged apathy for just about everybody and everything (except towards food, herslf, and Carly, who she is in love with, and/or Freddie, who she may alternatively be in love with). Even Freddie can't be counted on to step up at all the right times. Carly is the character who most frequently steps in and tries to help out whoever's in need. Carly also acts as the group's moral compass, while Freddie sheepishly tries to catch up with Sam's rebellious ways.

iDream of Concert (MiranCoz DreamSet)

Miranda Cosgrove
2011
iDream of Setlist

1. Bam
2. Disgusting
3. Leave It All To Me
4. FYI
5. Stay My Baby (Spider Remix)
6. Oh Oh
7. Shakespeare
8. Brand New You
9. Adored
10. Hey You
11. What Are You Waiting For
12. There Will Be Tears
13. Party Girl
14. Dancing Crazy
15. About You Now
16. Kissin' U (Jason Nevins Club Mix)

Encore: Headphones On

note: Her actual setlist will likely include some material off of her upcoming new album, which will feature a handful of new tracks along with a slew of remixes. It will also probably include some number of cover songs, as Miranda once tweeted asking what cover songs she should do. I told her to do Torn as made famous by Natalie Imbruglia (her voice would be PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT for this track) and Doll Parts by Hole ('cause she's a fan). I assume these tweets fell on deaf ears (like all the rest), but here's hoping! I didn't bother putting any covers in my dream set considering I really have no leads at all for what they might possibly be.

Also, here's a special message to Miranda, since I know she totally reads this blog. Hey Miranda, thanks for ... You're great ... etc., more importantly, if you play this exact setlist at your February 2nd show in the Carnegie Library of Homestead, I will take that as a message stating that you do NOT want for us to be best friends. If you DO want for us to be as such, just play ANYTHING ELSE instead of this exact setlist, and I'll know what you mean! Got it? Okay!